You Before I

We just returned from a trip to Hyderabad. It was a family trip with my not so young parents along. we had a great time together and thankfully both of them coped as well as enjoyed the trip to the fullest. We were there for a week and went around almost all the tourist places. The Ramoji city , Salarjung Museum, Chaar Minar , etc etc.all of them justified to be such popular tourist spots. I liked the city but what won my heart were it's people. I have been to various places in the country but something that set this place apart from the rest is the affection in the heart of it's people. Every where without exception I saw people going out of the way to lend a supportive hand to the elderly . They did this naturally , smilingly and very gently. I saw people holding the hands of my parents while ascending and descending stairs, leaving place for them to sit , giving special entry everywhere.

I have not seen this behaviour anywhere else . I failed to attribute a reason to it. I tried to think of many factors - geographical, cultural climate ,nothing fitted in logically. I shuddered at my thinking with the North South factor also playing in my mind but I did not find a satisfactory answer.

What ever it is I wish we all understand the magical beauty of serving others. This quality brings in love and happiness to the giver as well as the doer. As they say what ever you give comes around multiplied many times. If only for this ,we all learn to always put YOU before the I life will definetely be so much more beautiful.

The Home Maker

Pramath and Ellango were school day friends.The duo was inseperable,much to their Parent's annoyance. They had sort of similar interests and all they cared was to be with each other. Understandably so for they were teenagers. The phase is characterised by rushing adrenalin leading to hot headedness. Both the boys were very sweet and affectionate but had one basic difference-their family background was completely different. Pramath had a very beautiful family that knew nothing but love where as Ellango was unfortunate to have a complicated family. He was deeply affected by this that reflected in his actions and his studies got terribly affected.

Ellango went through a very troublesome childhood . He could not finish his studies ,left home and started working what ever he could lay his hands on. He had the fighter spirit and lady luck seemed to smile on him and he fell in love with a pretty girl named Smriti. Smriti came into Ellango's life and filled it with love and happiness. She slowly even succeeded to bridge the gap between him and his parents to a large extent. They started communicating,meeting and the family grew. Ellango was what he had never thought to be .a happy family man. Smriti had given back to him his parents,sister and the rest of the family.

Pramath finished his education ,started working and also fell in love with a nice girl namedTrishna. He told his parents about her and they were too happy to fulfill his wish . Pramath and Trishna got married and were blessed by both the families.Both were working and stayed away from their parents.After a year Trishna took up another job and moved to another city. Soon after she demanded a separation from Pramath.They got separated by mutual consent and went their ways.
I know both Pramath and Ellango. I have been knowing them for years. I was very upset for Pramath and on asking the reasons for separation I was told that Trishna wanted space. She did not want inteference. She hated her mother in law for giving suggestions etc etc.
I have been thinking . What did these words actually mean? Is it not possible to have a standard definition for words ?I believe that it takes two to make a relationship. Each one of us has our own set of people whom we love and want in our lives . Marriage should not mean replacement of our relationships. Marriage should bring families closer,should increase thecircumference of the field housing our loved ones not slice them off to possess my partner alone.It is so foolish to do when the more people you love the more are you loved. Is this not a very simple equation? Why is it that girls become unwise and cut off the very strings of love that are holding them ,nurturing them and pampering them, in the name of independance,space and freedom?
Smriti gave her partner what he never had -his family . Trishna wanted to take away what Pramath always had- his family.

Who is happy? Smriti- who is loved more for giving her man his loved ones. Trishna is independant ,free but ALONE.

Smriti is thus The Home Makerand Trishna The Home Breaker.
I pray that girls, in their strive to independance, always remember the meaning,importance and beauty of the place we call HOME.

India, The Land Of Colours

We were at Jaipur to attend a three day conference.It was an international gathering and people from various parts of the world were present. The whole day would go attending seminars, presentations etc and the evenings were the party times. The participants were there with their spouses so it was a big group.
Every evening was a different theme, representing different parts of India. The first evening was Rajasthan. They had the traditional Elephant welcome,the folk songs being sung by the artists,the beautiful Rangolis made here and there,everything looked beautiful.They had those local dances and fire play which really filled the guests with wonder. Specially the people from other nationalities were taking in everything ,eyes wide open.
The next evening was North India ,with potters , snake charmers variety of food and even a Parrot man ,the fortune teller.

The third evening was South Indian,with its typical food, style a nd flavour. All the participants were asked to be traditionally dressed on all days and the whole atmosphere was quite festive. Everyone enjoyed the evenings thoroughly. I asked a few of the guests that what did they like the most and what did they feel was very different from else where.
I was pleasantly surprised by their answers. Uninamously they all said,''COLOURS''. We have never seen so many colours ever before.'' I realised that how strange it is that the things we take for granted are the ones that amaze others. I looked around and yes my eyes took in all the colours dancing around . Colourful lights, colourful dresses ,colourful chairs ,every thing that my eyes chanced upon was a riot of colours. This colour is depicted in our life style through our songs ,dances and even food.
My heart could burst with the swell of pride for my country.
India ,the land of colours . The Incredible India.

The Utter Confusion

I love train journeys. Last week end on my way to Pune, I chanced upon a very interesting conversation between three girls,in their early twenties. I gatheredthat some friend of their's had got recently married and so the right age for marriage was the topic for discussion. Each of them had her own view but what came across was the fierce will to be independant. Nothing wrong in that at all but I found confusion in understanding independance. One said she believed in Tit for Tat,so everything between her and her spouse would be equal. One said that she would make it very clear that she will never live with her in laws,etc.etc.

The conversation set me thinking. These sweet girls had so much in their minds .What had led to such a state where one had to lay down so many conditions? Had life really become so monitered?Were emotions being thrown out of one's life?

I visualised the olden days where women were exploited. The exploitation reached such levels that the women revolted and pointed at Lack Of Education to be the root cause for the pathetic plight of women. So educating women started. So far she was only a house wife and a mother ,who was probably so for she had no other options. She was financially dependant on her man so she could not dare to look out for options too. With education the woman got her financial independance and with that the revolutionary change that happened with her was the Power Of Choice that she lay her hands on. In an attempt to prove her an equal to man, she went out and out and won laurels in almost all fields. Woman was equal and in many places even superior to man now. She had made her mark in a man's world.

With this equal status ,gone with the winds is the age old concept of the Division Of Labour. Now there is nothing that is a gender specific job. Any one is supposed to do anything and everything and this empowering is leading to the extinction of the basic simple way of life.Now the changes that I see are-
House keeping is not meant to be done by selves...it is sort of looked down upon.
House keeping includes- cooking, washing ,cleaning etc etc all that a woman would always take pride in,are of begotten days.
Visiting people in their houses is a down trend ,if at all we meet ,we meet at public places.
Houses are only luxurious apartments to provide for a bed to sleep.
The list could be endless but the crux of the matter isthat, woman in trying to empower herself against the wrongs being done to them, has become almost a man,except for the biological difference of course.So the jobs which were the forte of woman earlier complementing their biology,have taken a beating.

God had made man and woman to complement each other in every way . To fight the wrong done by man in earlier days ,woman has ,in competition, switched over to the man's side leaving a big void in her own sphere. Man is trying to interchange roles too ,to keep pace with the marching woman but he needs God to help him in this .Biologically the thoughts and hence the actions of a woman cannot be acquired by a man ,much as he is trying and I am sure God is seriously pondering over this issue to rethink about reshaping Adam and Eve.

My heart goes out to these girls who are burning themselves off in the name of independance. Any form of extreme is never desirable. Moderation and thoughtful ness always pay good dividends in life. We get Life once. What ever we choose to do should give us a holistic happiness. Anything else should be meaningless.

Love Marriage Arranged Marriage....

Priya was celebrating her birthday...she had made arrangements for a party at home..She had been wanting to call her friends over for the time that she had taken up a place of her own.So it was to be a House warming cum Birthday party.She had invited her close friends..about 10 in all. The party was going to be special also because one of her childhood friends was going to get married-3 weeks away. She had ordered food but the dessert was being made by Swati ...the girl getting married . Swati had insisted on taking charge of the dessert section. Priya knew how excited was Swati about her forthcoming marriage and in her sweet way was trying to learn making some special dishes ,two out of which were to be presented tonight. Swati 's marriage had been fixed by her family and she was very happy with their choice.

The party was on..Everything was taken care of...Swati had been helping Priya with everything ...Friends had come and there was laughter ,music and merriment. Dolly had flown down from Bangalore for the week end for this get together ...she had another interest too..she would get to spend time with her boyfriend too so Dolly was snuggling up with Harsh and everyone was having a great time..
Dinner was announced...food was excellent ..was being relished by one and all. Then Priya announced that the best was yet to come ...The dessert was prepared by Swati....there was a big cheer and the tempting gorgeously looking dishes were laid on the table. Everyone gave out cries of appreciation and jokingly Harsh told Dolly,''Swati has been at cooking ,getting prepared for marriage .have you started too?''Pat came Dolly's reply,''Swati is having an arranged marriage...I will have a love marriage. She needs to learn to please her new family . Thankfully I would not need to do any such thing...so why should I be doing all this?'' ''Love or arranged any kind of marriage would entail eating ,Dolly so?''quipped in Priya.''well Harsh will see to that ..thats not my problem'''sang Dolly and gulped down a generous spoonfull of the chocolate mousse...

Swati was thinking about the conversation, lying on her bed late night. Was she doing it to please her new family because it was going to be an arranged marriage? Just because Dolly had found her life partner before marriage , did she not need to please anyone ,as she had put it? Swati was confused at the inferences...what was the difference between Dolly and herself? Both were friends ...same generation ..then ?

Slowly slowly peace started setting upon Swati's face ...she had got her answers ....
She concluded that she believed that it was not just a person that she was going to marry ...to possess...she was marrying into a family which would henceforth be her new home. She had learnt from her mother ,seeing her all life doing things for her loved ones. She had learnt the joy of caring ...doing ...serving ...making extra efforts to do things for the people who are her partner's family...would be loving him in the true sense . She did not want to love where it meant possessiveness and made her narrow minded. She remembered her mother saying once,''Swati, the relationships that you make on your own, the ones that you take upon from your loved ones willingly ...always putting others before you ....will actually reflect the person that you are from heart. Always have a large heart and try to encompass more and more....I never think of the wealth that I could leave behind for you for I do not have much...but I would always want to leave behing a big big flexi heart filled with love ....for you to carry on giving out love and joy to all.''
''Yes Mom...I too want to do the same. To love my new family from the core of my heart...because I know it is going to be my family....''Spoke Swati in her heart and went off to sleep with a sweet warm glow on her face. She had her sympathies for Dolly's thoughts.....

A Perfect Gift

Rohit had been thinking for the past few days....he wanted it to be different ...his wife's birthday this year ....as it was her first after their marriage.He took her shopping....made plans for a nice dinner....suddenly he was excited on getting an advice from his sister....''Do something yourself ''she apparently had suggested...''like what ''...''well like bake a cake!''The idea appealed to Rohit a lot. He came to his mom in the evening,''can you help me bake a cake mom?'' On hearing about the idea Pooja felt very happy ..She readily agreed on helping Rohit with it.

Came the day ...Rohit rushed backhome early that evening...Pooja had made all the arrangements for him ..and Rohit baked the cake with Pooja's help...The cake turned out perfect...

At the stroke of midnight the beautiful cake was laid on the table...Pooja told Ria , Rohit's wife,that the cake was baked by Rohit.The expression on her face was apt for the Visa Master Card ad....Somethings are Priceless....Pooja looked fondly at the loving glow on her son's face....She looked at her husband and she could read the same satisfaction in his eyes too ...the satisfaction when you see your children happy ...God's blessings on you to see the things you value, in your children...

Pooja was filled with gratitude towards the God Almighty that she could see that her children had understood and had valued the art of Doing something Yourself to show your love.....

Money has immense power ...no doubts about that ...but money should never be my master...should never have the power to enslave me ....make me weak...

Pooja had seen her children rating this simple home made cake much higher than the best of cakes from the best of bakeries that any amount of money can buy and this was the reason for her contentment...for she always believed that money should help one do more rather than make one do less. Money is the means ...to strengthen oneself rather than weaken and any amount of money can not bring the happiness that one can get by ''Doing ''something for love....

Order and Disorder

Hi I m Cheeni......the little girl blinked at me smilingly....She is a ten year old...cute girl...with a label of Down syndrome. It is said to be a disorder....incurable,but if understood correctly can be dealt with....The word disorder....I was looking at it with a new perspective....what is a disorder ...anything that is out of the normal range of human behaviour qualifies for this term...the normal range ...again is decided by man ...you have to do so as everything is relative...to understand Day one needs to know Night...similarly anything that does not subscribe to our accepted parameters ,is said to be a disorder....

I was trying to understand this....I was thinking we have pass and fail catagories in our academics....anyone getting marks above 40% is said to pass ...anyone getting below that fails....I was thinking about the 39% and the 41% ones....how much of a difference is there between them ...not much in terms of capabilities and performance....but a sea of a difference in their catagories....one has the stigma of a faliure and the other has the distinction of having passed....

God has created this amazing world...most of it we do not understand..but there are certain things that we know are not in our hands ...like having a child like Cheeni....does it sound cruel? I dont know....what I know is that what ever we are and what ever we have ..if only we try to understand and work upon it correctly ,we can change the results dramatically...Mahatma Gandhi had rightfully said...condemn the wrong not the doer...for if we condemn the wrong and try to better it , instead of spending our lives shunning the doer.we can bring about a lot of positive change in the situation in turn affecting our own selves positively....

If only we understand this simple connection between our thoughts and our fate,probably we will try to always find ways to solutions ,rather than be stuck to the blame game syndrome and ruin our own lives.

All The Best...

Aditya was working very hard. He had his class xii boards coming up ...then the engineering entrances ...he had his own dreams and was putting his heart and soul to fulfill them. He was pretty satisfied with his preparations but ...there was a big BUT ...it was chemistry . He just wasnt able to get as much confidence in this subject. This would haunt him off and on and he would come up to Reeti ,'' Mom what if I mess up this subject? ''and Reeti would draw him close to herself and say,''Do not worry ,Aditya ...you wont mess it up. You are putting in so much of hard work ...that will not go waste.'' This assurance had the desired effect on him but for not too long. Reeti was also worried about her son's confidence and did everything to keep it up.

The exams started...as luck would have it Reeti was taken seriously ill....out of the blue came the bolt...she had to be hospitalised in grave condition. Reeti was in pain...but what was paining her more was that she could not be with her son when he needed every bit of comfort and love...He was writing his exams ....taking care of his little sister Ria....and his mother was fighting for her life ..in the hospital with her husband by her side. what adifficult time it was for each one of them but God had wished it so....

The days went past by ...exams were getting over ..and tomorrow was Chemistry. Reeti was going out of her mind. In such grave situations where Reeti would never let her husband out of her sight for he was her strength....he always was her confidence but that day with a very strong heart she forced her husband to go and spend some time with Aditya. He returned after a few hours assuring her of Aditya...The children had sent hand made cards with heart felt messages...Ria had sent two small soft toys...two pups...as her luck charms...All of this filled Reeti;s heart with joy....But....still she had no peace..Those days the mobiles were even not heard of ..she was confined to bed with needles all over and a saline continously going into her veins....There was a telephone just outside the room but how could she reach there ? with all these needles? Reeti was very restless...

Came the evening and in walked her Dr. doing his usual rounds...after her check up Reeti asked him if she could do without the drip now? The Dr. was surprised but when he heard that why Reeti was wanting to go up to the phone he said kindly,''Reeti be patient and sensible please. Two more of these bottles need to be pumped inside your body which would take at least till tomorrow evening...so please understand ..the speed of the saline cannot be increased as it will be very painful for due to prolonged usage most of the veins are blocked so please be a good patient.'' THe Dr. smiled and went away. Reeti had already made up her mind. The next 24 hrs. would have to be compressed into 10..and that had to be done...She slowly increased the speed of her saline ...she did it gradually ...it hurt but no the excitement had started ...she had a race to win and that kept her from feeling the pain. Reeti did not sleep the whole night....7 Am Aditya would leave for his exam...just a few hours to go and the liquid was steadily pouring inside her veins....Her eyes were fixed on the solution level ..they only moved to check on the clock on the wall...It was 6:55 Am when the sister came in and smilingly removed the saline...Reeti was out of herself ...She was literally carried out of the room by her husband to the phone...it was ringing...God please make him pick up ....and then ''Hello'' ''All the very best to you beta''came a feeble voice and Aditya stood there smilingly with tears rolling down his eyes...''Mamma I love you''''I love you too beta''and Reeti fell down in her husband's arms ..She had done it ..she had wished her son and she thanked God before she was carried back to bed.....

Stress...The Silent Killer

Each man is a link and an important one at that, to the society he is a part of.I keep hearing of this word-Stress at various levels, from various ages and from uniformly everywhere. I think stress is consequence of a situation where there is a lack of resourses to do the job.Sources could be varied ...could be the person ,his want , his understanding , his capacity,his efforts ,his supports etc...all of which work to get the job accomplished. This unaccomplished job with time gets piled up increasing our problems and then come the excuses , blames and their kin to justify our failures...making us aggressive in protecting our defence.Clinging to this state day in and day out tires our mind and this is what we call stress.All these blames and justifications do not lead us to our desired goal ,infact take us so much away from it increasing our unhappiness and helplessness. Ironically we take to cribbing and self pity and every undesired feeling leading to more and more stress. Why cant we think of Solutions ? we keep ourselves happily stuck with the problems...if only we become solution seekers,the results will be so much better than otherwise. If we understand the responsibilities of self ,we can do a lot better . If each one of us is always aware of his own duty towards his own self ...to keep oneself happy then all these selves together can lead to a much better society. But what we all tend to do is always holding others responsible for our situations . Of course no one can be isolated from his surroundings but h e at least can keep doing his bit even when everyone around has stopped?
Another strange thing that I see is the mix up between our Rights and Responsibilities which also is a chief cause to stress. We have to understand that each one of us is responsible for his own self and that is how it should be...as naturally as we eat ,drink and sleep.Achild should be spoken as to why is he being helped with all his work during his early days ... but he should be told that he has to learn to be responsible for his self..he should know that he has to go to school to learn ...do all his jobs because they are ...his...taking care of his clothes , toys .books ,room table shoes ....everything has to be done by his own self because that should be as natural as anything to do .But do we do that ? No we do our children's jobs...odd things here and there conveying that he has no need to tend to himself .The child should be taught to manage his work , duties ,play, pleasure properly and that he has no option of not accepting his duties. ...the child then learns to optimize himself. Then they dont feel burdened at any point of time because doing their duty becomes a second nature to them . Probably then we may hear a lot less of this contageous word -stress-It makes so much sense in breaking one's head to find solutions to our problems rather than breaking it due to stress...what say????????

A True Gift......

It was Ravi and Rinki's wedding anniversary...Their two kids Trishna and Khushi wished them in the morning with kisses and a cute hand made card with their love and feelings expressed in simple words . Ravi and Rinki were overjoyed with the card and it's expressions...hugged them and then sent them off to school. The kids returned home excitedly as they knew that like on every occassion ,they would have guests in the evening. Guests meant their friends accompanying their parents and for them that is all that mattered . So they finished off with their studies to be fully prepared for the blast in the evening . Rinki was busy in the kitchen ...she knew that all their friends were going to come ,to wish them and that they would have dinner to celebrate. This was the practice followed by the group of friends ,for each one of them . There was no inviting anybody....you just came.So Rinki was busy cooking for thirty odd people or so ...what fun it always was on such occassions. .....
Came the evening and the friends arrived one by one...some brought flowers , some cards some balloons and the house was filled with joy and merriment.

The kids got busy running,playing screaming and by the time dinner was over it was nearing midnight. The party was a hit as each one of such get togethers always is...for they are filled with warmth, care and joy ...home cooked food dripping with love and this group always had such gatherings to share all the special occassions together..Much to the reluctance of the children the parents had to leave for home...next day school ,office...Ravi and Rinki went down to see their friends off, asking Trishna and Khushi to stay back to change and go to bed as early as possible.
After seeing everyone off within half an hour or so tired Rinki and Ravi came up...they were thinking of the mess waiting at home to be tended to ...the table to be cleared off..it would be a good 30-40 minutes at least before they could go to bed....They entered their house and what did they get to see? They couldnt believe their eyes...The table was cleared...the room was set back to normal with cushions etc at their right places ...the left overs were properly transferred into containers and put inside the fridge....Trishna and Khushi stood beaming there...they came forward taking their parents hand led them to the bed and said,''go to sleep,mamma papa..you both must be so very tired.'' Their parents looked at each other with eyes filled with joy and love...their little girls were so thoughtful....They pulled the daughters close to them and kissing them said...''Thank you''The girls kissed them back wishing them once again set off to go ...Ten year old Khushi turned back and said ,''everyone brought you a gift ...we did not get you any ...because we couldnt think what to get for you..'' Ravi smiled and said,''you have given us the best gift that anyone could ever give...the gift of thoughtfulness'' Rinki added,''and your gift is matchless for it came out of love..we are blessed to have such beautiful girls...Good Night..''The two girls ran off to their bed leaving the parents looking at each other with a mixture of feelings...love..understanding ..contentment and gratitude....

A Beautiful Smile....

They say that the second best thing that one can do with their lips is to....SMILE. well no need to fight for the first ranking but indeed smiling is one of the best things that all of us can do....easily...effortlessly. But you look around and you may not find people subscribing to this view. Today morning only I stopped to look at a child in his pram and he smiled back at me...LO! my heart just did a somersault...what a beautiful smile it was ...pure...simple ...straight from the heart. And what an effect it had on me!It made me feel so good....

I moved on ...I was on my way to office and my mind was just filled with that smile . I wondered that why are people so miser in using this beautiful art...of smiling? I remembered a friend of mine ...any time and everytime I could remember her ,was her eversmiling face ...that too the simplest ...warmest smile that could ever exist . I recalled our friends also saying that this friend Pooja was one person who always would greet you with a warm hearted smile ..making you feel welcome,comfortable and nice. But not many practise this ...imagine children waking up to such a smile , leaving home with such a smile ...returning home to such a smile and going to bed with the same smile...it would do wonders in all aspects of his life. why only children the same would be true for adults as well,wont it?
It is a different feeling altogether when you are met with a clean , pure warm and straight from the heart smile....what ever mood you may be in, it immediately connects ...warms your heart and lifts up any form of spirits at any point of time...
I have observed people very closely ...returning from office , work, anywhere ...not a trace of smile on the face or at most some signs of a forced smile (which looks so painful)....you are meeting your people after so long ...the best and the easiest thing you can do is to give a nice warm smile ....costs nothing but why so difficult then?

I think it could be because everyone seems to be struggling in his /her life. This struggle probably snatches away the smile and gradually we forget to smile...it becomes an effort to smile or it is used on festive or special occassions ...like we wear good clothes and deck ourselves up ...then we also put up the smile....sad very sad indeed. !!!!!! As life is a struggle, all the more we need to nurture this wonderful art of smiling,for it would help us in our struggle. Smile is a stressbuster...brings in a feel good feeling...which in turn makes us motivated and eager to keep going in life. Smile ...a real one is the fastest way to connect hearts...it is unbelievable and surest way to reach out to people...smile is a reflection of one's heart ...above all a smile brings a serene satisfaction and warmth on the bearer himself so let us all try practising this easy and sure way of bonding....just by SMILING warmly.....

Happy To Help....

There are some ads that spontaneously , bring a smile on my face. The Vodafone ads...each one of them is so beautiful and simple . Each one of them show the Pug always so eager to help it's master who in turn is shown to be completely expressionless. It could be to contrast the eagerness of the Pug or I wonder if the beauty lies in the representers...the Dog and the Child...I do not know if I d be very pessimist in reading UNCONDITIONAL LOVE through the Pug and the UNCARING BEHAVIOR of the child ,( showing human nature) for I believe that a child possesses many of the pure characters discarded by adults.
All these ads bring in such a feel good factor. We have been reading and learning also to always be helpful towards others ...but why are these things generally not practised? Helping others selflessly show that you think about others ,care for others and that brings so much of satisfaction in ones own self. Helping others strenghthens your personality ...It teaches to rise beyond oneself...overcome inhibitions ...understand others...get an insight into so many things which otherwise is never possible....it makes you want to be a do-er...it helps you widen your horizon.which otherwise remains so narrow and constricted....it bonds you to people and do we all not want to feel bonded?

This Pug is shown to do such varied things...fetching the ball, helping to get ready for school, running after the school bus to give the forgotten bag, and now the latest ones...helping by holding the pages of a bookand even guarding against the warden of the hostel...All of these are to show that how much the Pug LOVES to help it's master.....many of us do things for others but very few do them happily..and I think that makes the difference. When you do something for others for no other reason but that want to help ..only then the act is really pure and the results are optimum. For then you are not expecting anything in return or you are not doing to prove a point or something...you are doing only because you want to do it and this always reaches to the person you are doing it for. What I see is lots of people do things but most of them do them for so many reasons...compulsion...confusion..anger etc. and hence these actions rarely bring the satisfaction that it is supposed to bring ...both to the person who is doing or for whom it is being done...efforts when do not bring satisfaction exhaust us...where as anything done by choice ...willingly and happily yields a different result altogether...exhausion is less for it is substituted by satisfaction...hence the productivity is much higher.

We must try to think , ponder over the timeless things that we are taught in various ways..make our choices and try to make our life more meaningful than the previous day ...and putting others before me is one of the best ways to achieve that....we will always have the glow of satisfaction on our faces that can not be brought by any other way....we will then be happy and spread happiness too...I d always prefer to be the Pug than the Child of the Vodafone ads......

Better To ASK Than...

Smriti and Sonia were on the phone ,as usual after dinner , talking about their mother. Their mother was with Sneha right now,on one of her regular visits. She had taken ill so had to extend her stay.She had suddenly developed a nasty cough,which persisted quiet stubbornly for a long period of time. Both the sisters were working women so they would get time to talk only this late. Sneha was a bit annoyed and she was complaining about their mom to her younger sister,Smriti. ''Mom is really getting so difficult ...she just refuses to co-operate.'' Smriti was shocked. Not because Sneha was complaining, for both the sisters loved each other and shared a beautiful relationship of trust and understanding, but at her complaint. Mom not co-operating? well things do happen and old age is so very unpredictable...thought Smriti. ''What is it Didi, you are really disturbed about something?''She asked gently.''Yes I can not understand mom...I try to look after her in the best of my capabilities but she just wont do what she is asked to...she is behaving like a child?''burst out Sneha...''yes ofcourse Didi ...you are looking after her so well ...mom keeps talking about your thoughtfulness and in fact she keeps getting so emotional about jiju and Rohit too for what they are doing ...so what is it that is irritating you?''

''you know ,I had got her woollen stockings some two weeks back so that she feels better in this cold ,but yesterday when I was cleaning her cupboard I found them lying ....unopened...why couldnt she wear them? And because of all this carelessness she is unable to get rid of her cough...does she not realise how difficult it is for me to manage everything?''

Smriti had nothing to say to this ...she tried to pep up her sister and then they both called up for the day . After a week Smriti had to go to Sneha's town on work so after talking to her about it ,brought their mother back with her . Their mother kept talking about how caring and loving Sneha was and she kept telling that how lucky she was to have such wonderful daughters..

Mother settled down at her younger daughter's place and one day when Smriti was taking out her mother's woollens to wash she saw the pair of stockings...clipped and unused. She remembered the conversation and casually asked her mother...''are these your stockings mom?'' ''Yes beta ...they are mine . Sneha had bought them for me...this girl really thinks so much about me all the time...''said her mother. ''But I see they are unused,mom?''

Smriti was taken aback to see that fleeting shadow of shame on her face...''Smriti this old age is a curse..as you know I have lost my bladder control to quite an extent...and out there the wash rooms are so neat and rugged that I was scared that I may not be able to control myself for the time it would take to pull my stockings down ...so I thought it better not to use it ...''

Smriti had tears in her eyes...to feel her mom's embaressment ..her helplessness...could she have have guessed unless her mom told her? Never ...and her own daughter ...even she had misunderstood her and had a grudge against her ....labelling her as unco-operative....Smriti went and hugged her mother.

How easy it is for all of us to judge people ....we do that by our own parameters ...It would be so much better if we accept the fact that we do not have the capability to presume correctly ...It is so much easier to ASK what we dont understand .This could save a lot of misunderstandings and heartburns for each one of us ....

The Art Of Listening

The summer vacations were getting over. The children were about to get back to their usual grind of going to school, study etc...The ones who had gone out for holidays were also returning . The tution classes had no vacations . Ankush walked in with his little sister for the class . The teacher greeted the two with a hug and a smile and asked how did they enjoy their holidays? They had gone on a Europe tour with their parents. To the teacher's surprise both the children replied,''very boring,Miss''. ''Why ? You would have seen so many places and must have had loads of fun?''the teacher asked. '' what fun Miss? It is so boring to be with parents.They took us to many places but it was not fun at all. '' ''How come?''''because they always try to teach us ...what to do , how to do ,,,how is who better than us...they take us out for holidays so that they can keep preaching and we are stuck with no other option but to keep listening...''

The teacher was reminded of a similar incident that had taken place just a couple of days ago. Madhavi and Maina ,two sisters were talking of the boring weekend where their parents had taken them out to a hill station. They had travelled by road and the teacher remembered asking what fun would the long drive had been. ''Fun?'' cried out one..''we were bored to death.'' The twin beeped in saying''Miss, how can you spend almost 8 hrs. in a car with your parents ,with whom you have nothing interesting to talk?'' The teacher tried to ease the matter and asked ''o.k. surely you could have listened to music ? That would have been great?''
''Yes listening to the great classical music would indeed have been great!''said one...''And there was no way that we could have listened to anything else for the music that we like is RIDICULOUS for them and what they seem to be mesmerised with is so so BORING for us.''

The teacher thought of the highly educated parents...achievers in their careers...how is it that they could not reach out to their own children? And this is very very common....I think it is because the parents ,with all good intentions no doubt about that , are always busy to make the children listen to what they have to say ...what they think is right...good....lovely and on and on...They forget that it would work wonders if they changed roles and started to LISTEN to what their children have to say . May be the children supposedly speak nonsense but the parents can find it easier to show them sense through their own nonsense. We must develop this art of listening ...only then can we understand the minds of our children and then it surely would be a lot easier to work upon them ...without knowing the thoughts how can parents work upon their children ? and because most of the parents do so they keep on struggling unsuccessfully for lifein understanding their own kids...how ironical ..that they find it difficult to understand their own extentions....not only this ,by becoming good patient listeners,they not only understand them better but also show them the right way to reach out...and do we all not always get tilted towards the people who we think understand us?

Parents can be the source to attract their own children ,hold them to themselves only if they master this wonderful art of listening ...first . Instead of stuffing them with their pearls of wisdom, which the children throw out at the earliest, why not try exploring the sea bed together cleaning their paths for them, in front of them and slowly guiding them to the same pearls ,which then become priceless for them, as they are then their own discoveries ?

Tips From A Mother To Her Daughter

I , a tiny housefly , was sitting on a wallof the Sharma household....I thanked my stars later when I got to know the fate met by of one of my kin who happened to cross paths with the U.S. President yesterday!!!!!!!!. Anyways the Sharma household was bursting with so many things happenning all around ...it was their daughter's marriage, two days from now.Himani, the bride to be ,was ofcourse the centre of all attention. This time of the evening she particularly was feeling a very deep sense of love and pull for her mother. She found her mother making some notes in the bedroom ..she quietly shut the door ,went up to her mom,taking away the diary she lay down putting her head on her lap.Little did the mother and daughter duo know of my presense there and to my luck I got to hear some amazing insights of life.

Himani's mom kissed her daughter and lovingly traced her long hair . Both of them could feel the purity and intensity of the bond that lay between them ...all the conflicts , disagreements, fights over the past years had receeded somewhere deep down the past .. they were just engulfed with a very deep and powerful understanding of love that existed between them.Himani turned and asked ,''Mom, what are the things that you would suggest I remember as I enter the most important phase of my life?'' Himani's mom smiled and thought of the times that she would be dismissed as backward and conservative....by this very child of hers. and now she was asking for her suggestions....Sensing the genuine interest in her daughter's voice Mrs. Sharma felt good. Her daughter was then interested in wanting to enter this new phase armed with all the knowledge and wisdom that she could and that she relied for that on her mother.....

I too got interested in the conversation now. Mrs Sharma said,''I can tell you of the things that I have learnt and practised myself in life ,sweetie. If you give it a patient and open understanding I think you will make life a lot meaningful for yourself and for the man who you are going to start a new life with. I will give my views in different points form .''

So was Mrs. Sharma going to teach Science?

'' Well beta , enter into marriage with complete faith in the institution. Only then you will work to make it beautiful.''

''Take up complete responsibility for your part of the relationship ,unconditionally. You should not be doing your part all the time weighing the others' doings for that would affect your part for sure. ''

''Next comes the acceptance of the relationship....meaning that you have set on to build your life together with your partner , by choice and marriage seals that choice. No comparing , no trying to change the other to match you should be there...for where there is love ...followed by acceptance you would happily want to change things in your own self to match rather than expecting your partner to do so for you.''

''Then what about my husband loving me .and changing for me?''quipped in Himani..

''He will do it by himself and if you love someone you understand the differences too and you want to go out of your way to please that person...dont you?''said her Mom.

This was getting interesting for me for Mrs Sharma seemed to be putting all the responsibility of working on the relationship on her daughter. Was that being fair?

''When you practise honest love, then may be it takes time, but it reaches out to your loved one.If the other person is somehow not doing his bit and you too retaliate by not doing yours ,you end up doubly harming the relationship . In turn you end up spoiling your own happiness...for anything that you do will at the end affect you,right?''

Himani nodded thoughtfully...

Her Mom went on..''Never never judge people...at least never judge the ones who will somehow affect your own happiness,directly or indirectly.For once judged negatively you magnify your own troubles for everything after that is built up on that brick of negativity. ''

So what if I do not agree to something Mom? Should I just be a slave and shut off my mind?''

''Never,beta. Handling any disagreement the right way is what is fruitful and makes life meaningful. Ofcourse there would be disagreements ...havent we had so many of them ? So what did we do ? We talked...we asked questions to each other ...and all this because we wanted to understand each other . Judging is the easiest beta, but as all easy things in life , is the most dangerous. It slowly eats up relationships , eats up the happiness like termites and you cant even see ,till the crumbled pieces of the relationships fall in front of you like the termite infested walls. Trying to understand people, really , is not easy ...it takes years may be but the rewards are enormous...unparalled and so so satisfying. This wisdom and understanding fetches you happiness and respect ....in their true sense.''

''But Mom does it really work?''

''A hundred percent beta, only this works...no amount of money , gifts or anything that is materialistic can remotely compensate for this wisdom and patience beta.''

''O.K Mom, how does one know that she is going right with her relationships?''

''When you see your relationships are blooming , spreading and that is making you truely happy ,that is the test beta...for you may try to do certain things, against your wishes, unwillingly, to try to make people happy but that would not work as you would end up being unhappy yourself .''

''So it means anything that I do for my happiness should be right?

''yes if your happiness is making your loved ones really happy then that's it ...you've tasted love.''

'' People are all calling out to us Himani , lets go out ...we will continue with this conversation again tonight for I want to tell you a few more things that I feel are important.''

''Right Mom ,let's go ...wished we could have spoken earlier.''

''No beta you learn to cross the bridge when you are on it ...the fact that you want to learn is enough.''

Mrs. Sharma hugged her daughter and they left to join the others.

I decided to stay back for I wanted to get to hear the remaining part of the conversation at night.....

Jolly And Silly

It was the 1st of January.Dawn was just breaking in ....it was a very cold foggy winter morning in Lucknow. Pooja jumped out of bed throwing the heavy blanket to a side. Ishaan and Ahaana were fast asleep. She went to their room and stood looking at her 12 year old son and 7 year old daughter cuddled up intheir beds. She bent down and kissed them gently and smiled ...She was to go out to get her new year surprise for them. Pooja's husband was in Mumbai on a transfer...She was to join him with the kids in a couple of months ,after their academic sessions were over.

Pulling the door ,Pooja took out the car and drove down to her destination. It was her cousin's place and she was there to get 2 new born puppies out of the four being delivered a week back. Ishaan and Ahaana simply loved dogs and she wanted the Lhasa pups as their new year gifts. Bundled in a basket she returned home.She was filled with excitement at the thought of her children's faces ,on seeing the gift.She was right...As she took out the basket from the car ,her two children in their sleeping suits stood gaping....then the cry and the expression was apt for the Visa Master Card ad....''.Somethings are priceless''.

Pooja was hugged , was covered with kisses and thanks...they were both dancing around with such joy that could not be described . The puppies were named Jolly and Silly. The responsibilities were taken ...Ishaan had Jolly and Ahaana had Silly . The duties were discussed and it was decided that they would take complete responsibilities of their wards...and responsibilities they did take. There was no making faces in cleaning them up ...feeding them ..they would play with them at the backyard and it was simply adorable to watch those two tiny bundles jumping around with the two bigger ones. They would be put to bed very lovingly ...the baskets being properly fenced so that they do not jump over by themselves and would be tucked in with such affectionate good nights. Their beds were near the children's own beds so the children would be woken up by the loving cries of their pups...and then the good morning hugs and kisses. Oh!can there be any better form of love than the one expressed by a dog?Such pure love?A love that has no mis understandings, expectations ,demands...knows just to give...why cant man learn this Dog Love?

A month whisked by in bliss. Then one day Pooja got to know from her husband that the accomodation that they were banking on,after they all shifted to Mumbai, was not happenning and they would need to stay in a single room apartment for at least 6 months.This was a bolt out of the blue for all of them specially as they always had houses with lawns, backyards to stay in , so far.How would they manage with all their luggage and these two pups?Pooja kept thinking and then sat down to talk with her children about this,before their bedtime. She told them about the arrangement and asked them to give their views. Both Ishaan and Ahaana came up with their own sweet thoughts...where would the bicycles stand? Would they have cupboards of their own? study tables?etc. etc. None of them mentioned the pups. Pooja brought them up. Where would Jolly and Silly stay? The children were aghast? where ? ofcourse with them!Where would they play? where would they run around? Slowly the meaning started sinking in and their eyes were pools of fear...fear of uncertainity...fear of losing...It was terrible for Pooja..to see so much of pain in her darlings' eyes...She gently told them that how unhappy Jolly and Silly would be to stay in that one room? How confined would we make them for our pleasure ? our happiness? would that mean loving them truely ?

Pooja could see the pain that came with understanding,in her children's eyes. It was breaking her heart to do so but she knew no other way of love than being truthful ...She knew of the love that only could make her loved ones happy and that was what she was explaining to her little ones.

The day they were supposed to leave Lucknow arrived soon... Ishaan and Ahaana were prepared for this day ..they had accepted and had made their choice...Jolly and Silly would go back to their mothers .. They would bear the pain of giving them away than to let them go through a caged ,confined life. They loved Jolly and Silly much much more to do that to them.They themselves gave them away to their mother. Turning around they fell into Pooja's arms weeping bitterly . Tears were streaming down Pooja's eyes too . She hugged them closer ,kissed them and said,''I am so proud of you. You have learnt how to love ,truely .''

This incident really taught the kids a lot ...to put the feelings of our loved ones above our own...to always love to make our loved ones happy for that is the true meaning of love which always will make us happy .

Moral Policing

This is a very strong word and is liked by no one. We keep hearing about rules made and rules broken. Driving and Alcohol, Bars and Dancing girls, Valentine day celebrations,Pub culture,Hooka culture and now the Dress code in colleges. One can go on and on. There are people who come out very strongly against any form of policing flagging the chit of adulthood and why not? When we are adults ..we supposedely know who to vote ..then should we not know what to wear, what to drink ,what to do? Many of us do know ...to do all of these in accordance to the times and surroundings and they do not get into problems,but there are some who do not know to act judiciouslyand through their rash actions harm befalls not to them alone ...other innocents are affected too.

We have one ways..to ease traffic , we have traffic signals for smooth driving...but go out late night and rarely would you find people following them ..why because the cop is not there to catch you.We follow it all through the day but only for the fear of being caught and penalized?You glorify breaking rules when no one is there to catch you??

How many adults were following the no alcohol while driving till the time it was made to be a rule and the police got very strict about it? The plea we adults give is that we are great enough to do wrongs but we forget that the youngsters may not be strong enough to act upon sensibly while using the same freedom ..ending up in harming themselves and others. The fear of the authority can only make us stick to doing the right things , not our sense of judgement...is not what the so called guardians of our society say ...we prove it ourselves. There is a significant decline in drunk driving accidents in the city now....Thanks to this Moral Policing...!!!!!!!!!

So do we advocate Moral Policing? No we adults must try to act to prove that we are adults. We must try to stop the ones who ,by doing wrong force us to be treated like children ,by others. We should educate people of their rights as well as their duties ,practising them ourselves to the T ...Let us show our adulthood rather than crying and begging for it...
We must always remember that we end up getting what we deserve....

Racism Bites

I was sitting in a park yesterday evening. Children were playing around . A group of middle school children came and sat on the grass to rest after a heavy game of Football.They were all drenched in perspiration. Suddenly their conversation caught my interest.

'' you know yaar, Ronit , my building friend has a cousin in Australia . He has gone there to study and those people beat them up .''said Ameya with expressions of anger and shock.
''Yes yaar , you keep reading about such shocking tales...how can they do this to us?''quipped in Shantanu.
''Lets pick up our sticks ,go and beat the hell out of them ..''bursted out Nimesh.
They were my children . They came to me to study.They had not noticed me . I did not want to disturb them ..so slowly walked away .
On my walk back home, their words kept coming back again and again with all their emotions. The horrible fire of hatred that had engulfed the Australians was very disturbing indeed. But was it not practised by us too ,here in our own country? Why would'nt we find people being beaten up even killed for reasons based on belonging to different religion, different caste and now narrowed down to different states?How different was this from what was happenning out there?

All of this disgustingly horrible mindset stemmed out of FEAR...INSECURITY...COMPLEXES...we can not stand anyone better than us . Anyone better who is taking away our places ...instead of rising up to compete with them in a fair manner ,we resolve to the easiest path of hitting out.
With the concept of Globalisation the boundaries have expanded ...they are getting merged with the glue of knowledge , competence. People ,who were nestled safely in their narrow limits are shaking up to this powerful fact where they see peole wanting to stretch their limits endlessly for progressand they find themselves left behind. Instead of shedding off their laziness and jumping into the bandwagon of VASUDHEV KUTUMBAKAM...meaning the world is our family...they resort to cheap gimmicks and evil ideas of hurting people.

Thankfully the number of such negative elements is going down drastically. Progressive people have realised and are accepting the power of Love and the evils of Hatred and have started thinking rationally rather than fanatically. The new President of the supposedly most powerful state in the world is shocking people....pleasantly through his speeches and real mind shifts that show that he believes in the power of Love and Positivity. Let's hope all of us think , understand and choose this new emerging world through all that is positive leaving every bit of negativity from our souls.

Then there will be no hittings, killings in the name of diffences....and this word RACISM will become history.No lad will then need to pick up his stick to go and bash the hell out of anyone....

Incredible India

I was sitting at the window seat of the 8:05 A.M. local,like everyday . I was on my way to office. I had the news paper in my hand which I go through religiously ,these 40 minutes everyday. I was looking into the face staring out of the paper....a leader vowing to bring back the real Hindutva in the lands of the Hindus. Then a news covering an election speech made by a young leader in some part of our country...spitting out venom against people who were not Hindus.There were other small news items too...defining Hate politics...I felt something akin to sadness deep down my heart at finding the people of our country stooping to such disgusting levels ,for vested interests.
I was jolted out of my thoughts by a wave of people who rushed into the train,from Dadar.The compartment was jampacked.The girl sitting next to me stood up offering her seat to a relatively older woman. I was also readying myself to make my way to the exit for my destination which was 2 stops away.It seemed extra crowded today ..I remembered it was a Monday. I was trying to find space to move...the next stop came and with the wave of the exiting passengers I could reach closer to the door . Suddenly a boy in his early twenties may be, bent and touched my feet with an apologetic grin . I was taken aback for the poor boy had barely put his feet on mine, that too because of the push from the crowd in front of him . I smiled back reassuringly ...it was not his fault ...

I alighted the train and started walking towards my office. Thoughts of those self acclaimed leaders propogating Hindutva , youths making hate speeches , a girl offering her seat to an elderly and a youth touching my feet for apology for something that he had not done....The latter ones were so much in tune to the Hindutva that we ,our country has been known for , the love the tolerance the respect to elders ...qualities not heard of in probably any other part of the world ....The qualities and characters that have always fascinated the world....such diversities and such beautiful co-existense..the mere thoughts bring in so much of pride in me . Hell with the fakes , the self appointed carriers of Hindutva...We the Indians will never allow them to succeed in their vile motives of breaking down the sacred culture of our country....the mantra that we stand for ...LOVE...and the world will always look up at us as it has done for all these years as ...The Incredible India....

I Had Passed

I got a call from my daughter one day asking me if I could help a friend of her's in her project. I was supposed to answer a questionare that she required for the project she was doing. I readily agreed . My daughter then told me that it was a project for a famous brand of Lingerie....Lingerie? What answers was I supposed to give her on this topic? I asked my daughter, exasparated. ''C ool down Mom,she wants to cover different segments of people.'' laughed my daughter and hung up.
Next day Nitika ,my daughter's friend, turned up punctually .After the usual greetings we got down to work!I was a bit skeptical of my knowledge on the subject.She started with her questions and I answered them best to my capabilities . I was wondering at the back of my mind if I would be reflecting my daughter in any way,through my knowledge. She came up with qs. like my perception of the topic. How important was it to me ,how would I connect it to sensuality, to sex,to beauty ,to confidence etc . etc. Then she asked me the difference between being cool and being hot.... She smiled involuntarily at my answer that the first was related to one's attitude where as the latter to one's appearance. Probably she did not expect the answer from me ..a middle class woman ...a mother of a teenager.I was enjoying myself and my apprehensions were shedding off ..I never thought that I could be able to answer all her qs. ...
Well Nikita thanked me and went away. I got a call from my daughter,calling from her hostel at night,''Mom,I never knew you were so cool!Nikita is extremely impressed by your knowledge on the subject. Where did you get to know all this????''

I was relieved. My daughter had passed me . I smiled to myself thinking of the irony of life ...Both the parent as well as the child always underestimate each other's knowledge.

Letting Go

It was past midnight and I was studying aloud...to shut all the thoughts out of my mind. I had my engineering entrance test the following day and I had to make it. I kept on revising all the formulae ...loudly ...to shut out my Dadu's voice...''maa! maa!!! My maternal grandfather ,my Dadu lay in the ICCU of a hospital thousands of miles away. He was critically ill and I could not be there with him ...not only I , not even my mother , his only child, could be there...as my father was bed ridden with a fractured back and I had my exams .
The telephone rang.....it's shrill sent a chill through my spine. Then my father's hello and a complete silence... I waited ...then crept to my parent's room. My answer lay there sobbing on the bed. My mother had lost her father.
My Dadu was suffering with Alzheimer's for the last seven years . Slowly slowly I had seen him going through the process of age reversal. He would call me maa....we would spend time together, a few months stretch ,off and on during the year . I was his friend ,his play mate. We would play Ludo and Snakes and Ladders for hours . He would try cheating when ever he saw me ahead on the ladder ...our fights .... we would play Hide and Seek. We would sing dance and he would clap in excitement. How sad he would be when ever we were to leave. He would always ask ,''when will you come nex t ,maa?''Oh, what fun we had together. But now there was no Dadu .

It has been quite some time now that my Dadu left me but I ,at times, can not forgive myself for not being there when he set out for his heavenly abode.His memory would just make the tears come rushing out my eyes....I could not bring myself to talk much about him . Today ,I had come home for the weekend from my I.I.T. hostel and was going through my cupboard when suddenly I tumbled upon our album ...with pictures of our last trip to my Dadu's house. My hands trembled, tears poured down as I turned the pages...with pictures of Dadu in various poses ,,acts . I could recollect every incident for each of the pictures....my Dadu laughing ...clapping ...dancing ...hugging me tight. Suddenly I felt a warm hand on my shoulder,looked back to see my mother standing ...tears pouring down her cheeck .I turned around...took her into my arms and we broke down together. Shortly I found myself caressing my mother , wiping off her tears ,kissing her and without my knowing ,at that moment , I had become her maa. We kept sitting talking about the person that both of us loved so deeply .

I felt a lot better now . I realized that each one of us has to die one day . We need to accept this fact from our heart for only then can we love our loved ones to the fullest for the time that we are together and when it is time for them to go we can let them go....lovingly....and keep them alive in our memories and actions for ever.

Chalo Mumbai

We had reached Mumbai!It was the Victoria Terminus....conveniently called V.T. We got off the train carrying our bags. What hustle and bustle ...I had never seen so many people and noises together. We started off to exit the station and shortly my eyes went up and they got fixed...............A sea of people hanging in the air......how could that be possible. My husband looked back to see me transfixed ...he smiled and told me that it was an overbridge for people to go from the East to the West. I stood gaping! So many people ..I d never seen so many together like that before...That was Mumbai ....it's first hello to me.

We had come during the monsoons and we were to stay in the company guest house for some months till we were alloted a house. I woke up the next morning to a heavy rain and howling winds. we had to keep our windows shut ,much to my disappointment ,for I love the open. I stood near the window and looked out. I could not believe my eyes ...A man was sweeping the compound with a broom. Sweeping in that rain? He was clad head to toe in a rain wear and I was thinking about the place I had come from just the previous day , where no one went to work even at the slightest of rough weather ...any change be it rains or cold or even heat . No domestic help would turn up and when they did in a favourable climate ..you d get such looks of exasparations if you shooted off any complaints .....and here the milkman , the sweeper , the house maid ,the dhobi everyone would turn up their way dressed up to brace the weather.No rainy days for children...no bunking office..life just kept going as ever. With time I found this sort of an attitude in every walk of life here. People always ready to adapt to overcome the difficulties thrown out in their ways.People were all the time finding ways how to do things rather than how not to do.....so unlike what I had experienced in all the parts of the country that we had been before.
Now after so many years ...through so many experiences of horror ,grief and shock ...where I have seen this city never giving in...never coming to a total halt...always moving ,moving and moving...for the people who are the faces of this city have chosen the attitude of never say die ...they have chosen fearlessness over fear and as everything always being so contageous, there is so much more of the attitude of a do-er than a non do-er.

No wonder who so ever wants to DO. anything in any part of the country....speaks out------Chalo Mumbai....
Would converting all the places of our country would this Mumbai attitude be impossible?
Is anything impossible??Ha ...Ha...Ha..

Religion And Faith

''why do they have to scream like this at the top of their voices Dada, is God deaf?''asked an irritated Abhi to his grandfather. They had come for their usual evening walk in the park close to their house.They would walk , sit ,talk and this was the best time of the day to which both of them looked forward to. Dada carrying his well spent 80 years gracefully and Abhi a young lad of 15 with an exceptionally thinking mind. Abhi always had too many questions to ask but as mostly happenning to many like him, sadly he did not get the right answers. Setting up and living in a world of his own he developed a mind without the gentle guidence that teaches one to balance the facts and imagination. He did not believe in God and hence stayed away from any ritual or practice even remotely related to God. Just now he was nearing the temple just outside the park,where people were doing the evening aarti with all their emotions being vented in clapping to the rhythm ,singing bhajans .

Dada sat on one of the benches along the walking path. Abhi also followed suit. ''does anyone of them really believe in God? what is God?and if God is everywhere why do you have to do all this to invoke him?They are all hypocrites.''Dada said,''Abhi everyone has to find what to believe. If we start off with some faith which is unshakable ...our search becomes easier...because we start off with a direction. Look at this world , imagine this universe ...how did it come to existense? Oh yes I have read so many theories on this and I do not have any reason to disbelieve them. God is probably the term used for the most powerful,unexplainable, immortal existense that is percieved , described , believed differently by different people. .''

''But why do we need to have faith?''
''Because man needs faith on something to act upon as a base-on which they thrive, they grow , they perish and because this existense can never be proven in our worldly terms ,this faith never fails us.''
''Of course it does!Things do not happen as you have wished them to...all your prayers are not answered...are these people out therenot asking for something in their prayers>? so would all their prayers be answered? Definetely not! so What is God doing Dada?and why do we
we need to believe in something that can never be proven?'' asked Abhi.
''Exactly for this reason.....faith is something you do not question.There are many things that happen in life to which you find no answers. So to move on in life , despite those answers, you need a lot of strength. Faith gives you strength because anyone who has faith never expects answers ...he practises total acceptance and that keeps him going in life.People give their own shapes to this faith. They choose to go about it their own ways and that gives them peace. ''

''So Dada what is God to you?''
''God for me is the everpowerful omnipresent creator who keeps looking at us every moment of our day...guiding us....supporting us ...talking to us . ''

''But Dada how do you appease him?''

'' by living and nurturing life to the best of my capabilities...for life is HIS gift to us and I want to value it to the fullest to show my faith and gratitude in Him.I believe that there can be no religion higher than this...to keep trying to better myself so that I can make my life as beautiful as I can in as many ways as I can. ..to love everybody around me...to spread love for beauty can blossom only with love. ''
''But that is not what many do? People kill each other in the name of religion ?''
''That is their call...I do not understand them. I have tried to understand my life ...work on it ...better it and my faith has been constantly strengthened in doing so. I have chosen to believe in doing....slowly but steadily and never let go off love and my faith has presented this world to be so immensely beautiful. I have no reason to question my faith for others practising religion in any other form have brought in so much of ugliness into this world that makes me shudder. ''
''But why do we need to practise rituals?''Abhi asked thoughtfully.
''The rituals are just ways of reminder of this faith.. by practising them we keep on reinforcing them in our hearts ....so rituals which do not lead to fanatism and do not harm anyone are done to keep us stuck to our faith which I feel the need of very much in life.''
It was pretty dark by now. The cold winter evening had suddenly set upon . The duo sharing their thoughts were shaken up by a chilling breeze. Abhi got up ...held out his hand to his Dada ...kissed him on his cheek ,''Dada I love you a lot.'' Dada with love welling up in his eyes said,''I love you a lot too ,Abhi.''
God looked down smilingly on the two walking back home.

Expressing Anger

Ninan walked in dot on time but with a scowl ,''Miss,Ratna ma'm is very bad. She threw Simi's copy today and Simi was crying.Ratna ma'm has no manners , she does not even know that throwing things is not good. Then why is she our teacher?'' A very angry outburst indeed. I asked Ninan that what had Simi done to drive her teacher to this? ''Her work was very untidy! but why did she have to throw her book? Do you not tell us that throwing things is not right? so is the teacher not supposed to know too?'' A very valid logic I thought to myself. ''Ninan were you not saying the other day that Ratna ma'm teaches Maths very well ? That you understand everything unlike your experience with your teacher of the previous class?'' I quipped in.'' Yes, I did say but does that mean she can do anything?'' I was struck by his thinking mind. I asked him to sit and told him,'' Ninan we all are human beings. we have good qualities as well as some bad too. If we are careful and aware of the qualities that we imbibe from our childhood itself, we may choose to be what sort of a person we want to be . But if we are not aware then we just end up having all the habits that we have acquired habitually from our surroundings. Your Ratna ma'm is a very good teacher but probably no one told her all this during her childhood and so she has expressed her anger in a wrong way . As a student you should try to imbibe all the good things only from her and vow to yourself that you would not do the things that you dislike in her . She does not know to express her anger the right way but it does not take away her subject knowledge and her teaching skills that you are impressed with. Do you agree to this Ninan?'' He was listening to me intently and nodded thoughtfully. ''''Respect her for her qualities and try to understand that shortcomings are all wrong habits picked up casually during our childhood. We must therefore be very careful of the habits that we imbibe...for good or bad habits die hard.''Ninan seemed satisfied and his anger towards his teacher changed to a new understanding . This understanding breeds tolerance ...to think and understand rather than react on impulse and worse judge people at the drop of a hat. We hear so many people saying that what they did was out of anger and that they did not mean it ...Shouting at anyone , screaming , fighting and then abusing all of these are expressions of our anger. Anger for something we can not understand or cannot control. To express our dislike or disapproval.

Anger by itself is a very normal phenomenon for it is reaction to a situation. But expressing anger the right way is extremely important and come to think of it is very effective. The wrong ways of expressing anger can never lead to the right results. We adults show our power over our children by shouting at them , beating them , punishing them physically...what way does this behaviour affect our children ? Never the right way...we try teaching them with fear ...they learn to do just that -use fear to communicate.

There are various ways of expressing anger and some express it even by not expressing it. They will sulk , withdraw , turn cold , become sarcastic etc etc ....Expressing anger is needed for not expressing also leads to many other problems ..it affects the health also eventually and does no good.

We all need to think and understand this . we must practise the right way to express anger . Speaking out our minds in clear and controlled terms ,is one of the easiest ,most effective but sadly least practised way of expressing our anger . We complicate this simple practice un necessarily and make our expressions the wrong way . Wrong expressions would lead to wrong results in turn spurring our anger more . Let us not do this. This is such a simple and effective way to the right results and a simple uncomplicated habit of living.We adults can practise this and show our youngsters that there is no age for choosing to better oneself ..This is the greatest lesson that our youngsters can learn ...from us.

Grudge Against God......

Yoshuma was witnessing one of the most defining moments of his country. His was a small island that was being ruled by a very cruel ruler for the past century. The people spent their lives as slaves. They worked from dawn to dusk ...were whipped for every small thing and were given food barely enough for their starved stomachs.No one could do anything to change this situation for every single rebellion was crushed at it's onset. Yoshuma grew up seeing his parents suffer like this and one day his father died of illness. The mother and son could do nothing to save him. His mother continued with her life of slavery ..Yoshuma would see her working towards her death...see her moan with pain in the nights for the floggings that she would get for any little break that she would take during work...break to feed Yoshuma...break to feed her starving guts ...break to hold her wailing child to her breast ...there was no mercy . Yoshuma would see all this suffering and it would make him angrier by the day . What could he do ? He was angry ...very angry with God . He told himself that God did not love him. would he be subjected to such a life if he did? Never....
Years passed by and Yoshuma was now a handsome young boy of twenty. Suddenly the unexpected happened. The cruel king died of old age. He did 'nt have an heir so the country was liberated of the long tyranny.The man of the highest religious order of the country had a dream in which he saw the face of the new king . Taking it to be God's message the man announced his dream and lo! Yoshuma was the face in his dream . He was now the new king. He soon took on to his new important role as the ruler of the country. He was seen to be a very benovalent king who loved his people with all his heart . There was no one in the country who had any grievances against him . He made everybody happy . His mother was very old now and he saw to it that she was looked after well in every possible way. He wanted to wipe away all her pain of those past years completely by infinite love and care.One thing he could not do in all this change ...he could not take back his complain against God that he nurtured through all these years....He still held on to his belief that God did not love him.
He got married to a girl he fell in love with and made her the queen . The queen loved her husband from all her heart and she would try to tell her husband to let go off his grudge against God. She would tell him that he was the best king that the country had ever had and that was possible only because of God.He would quietly say that he will show her some day that how God really did not love him. The queen would sigh and let him be...
One night the queen woke up to a terrible dream. She woke the king and told him about her dream . She had seen that the king was searching for her crying out her name in some forest but she was no where to be found.Yoshuma hugged his wife and said it was just a dream...forget it..Next morning the queen again brought up her dream....She said were they being warned of some upcoming danger ?The king rubbished her fears fondly . He was about to leave for a country visit. The queen held him and pleaded for the cancellation of this trip . The king did not heed to her pleadings and set off leaving her in a state of fear and apprehension. In a couple of hours the king of the neighbouring island attacked the palace with his huge army. He had got to know from his spies about the king's visit so he had come fully prepared. He ransacked the whole place taking away all the precious things and jewels along with the king's beautiful wife.
Yoshuma rushed back to his palace as soon as he was informed about the attack but everything was gone . His dear wife was gone ...He did not know what to do . He called for his army and charged towards the direction his enemy had gone . After chasing them for a few days he came by the sea. His enemy had fled but what was it that he was seeing? He was seeing the mast of a ship going down and down in water. Shortly he learnt that his enemy had been drowned in the sea....along with his dear dear wife.
Yoshuma could not take this grief too well and gave away his kingdome. One day he saw God come in his dream to console him . Yoshuma said bitterly,''so God you never have loved me ....why?''
God smiled at him and putting his hand lovingly on his head said,''why son ,I have always loved you so much. Why else would I change the times and make you the king?Give you such a loving partner to make your life beautiful and happy?''God continued,''but son you always held on to your grudge against me and so could not see my love.'' ''why did you make my parents suffer so much if you say you loved me?''countered Yoshuma....''Son how would you value the day if you have not seen the night?'' ''But you took my wife away'' Yoshuma cried out indignantly....''she was my love''...''and you did not pay heed to the pleadings of your love? was that not my love for you that I warned you of the imminent separation through her dream?''God vanished and Yoshuma lay there looking blankly up to the sky.
Only one grudge and he had to pay through life? Yoshuma was in a state beyond answer........

Ungrateful Children??????????

I was waiting outside the Principal's office to get my child's tranofer certificate signed by her . We were shifting to another city thanks to my husband's trasferable job. I happened to sit next to the door of the student counsellor's room. Some parent was having a session with the counsellar and I unintentionally overheard some comments which spilled out of the room carried away by emotions . Seemingly a mother was in utter frustration unable to understand her son's behaviour.I could piece up just one comment from her heartfelt outburst,''How can he be so uncaring and ungrateful after what we have done for him? I had planned this week off so much in advance so that I would be there with him for his exams but what the hell! He does'nt want me . He says he would prefer studying on his own.''
I could visualise the loving but helpless mother who was at a loss in understanding her child. My heart went out to her but I could do nothing . The peon called me ...handed me the signed certificate and I returned home . The helpless mother's words kept coming back to me again and again.I was thinking that she was feeling bad because she could not reach out to her son and so judged him, labelled him as uncaring and ungrateful . But what hit me was the last clause ..''..after what all we have done for him.''...I was puzzled ...did she do what all she had done to make the child feel grateful? I hear this comment very commonly used by parents...what I do not understand is how can they utter such a thing....why do they ever say this ? think this? may be out of fear of the child's future....expressing our fear for them ...but these words? what all we have done for them? ? I find it very very sad.
We parents bring our children on this earth by our pleasure but why do we bring them up with our fear? We do not understand them or reach out to them inspite of our love for them should we not ponder to see if we can find someother way to understand them. They are so precious to us ...they are our parts ...we need to understand them but what we keep trying is making them understand us. When we try doing so the children also replicate us by wanting us to understand them ..we stick to our guns they learn to stick to their's and one of the most beautiful and satisfying relationship takes on ugly shapes hurting all...both the parent as well as the child. If we try to explain things out to them gently ,patiently there is no reason for them not to understand ...but all of this requires endless unconditional patience and transparency of thoughts ...all of which probably not very easy for us adults...we choose the easy way out...start telling them rather showing them ...making their decisions for them rather than allowing them to experiment.....Parenting even falls prey to our double standards. we may have done anything in the past the children are supposed to be perfect because that gives us pleasure ...pride.. why would they do so? They would probably be honest when they see honesty in us ...not the honesty of convenience that most of us practise...They would learn when they see us learn from our experiences ...what happens is that we continue teaching with the plea that no changes can be incorporated in our own lives....they learn to do the same ...spend their lives trying to reach out to their children ,unsuccessfully.
When ever I come to Mumbai airport my eyes automatically goes up to the beautiful words written by Mahatma Gandhi painted in big letters;
Be The Change That You Want To See.........

Is It Really Just Destiny????

The train moved into Howrah station....you could see people all around to where ever your eyes could take you. Looking out of the window Riti was filled with excitement. Kolkata had always had this effect on her. She just loved this place and she was coming here after a long span of ten years . Someone or the other in her family of four having problems in getting leave from work or school , someone coming over to spend vacations with them etc etc had made their regular annual visits to her maternal grandparents house had become infrequent . Now they all had managed to come to attend a marriage in this side of the family.How much she had to plead with her research guide to get this one week off and oh! how happy she was to be here.
She had been visiting her memory lane all through the journey.Who all would she get to meet ...how much change would she come across everyone ...she too had changed so much ... a fifteen year old shy girl now was a confidant lady of 25 years of age...doing research on gene mutation..Her old dadu and dida who always doted on her ...She remembered all those times when she would nestle down with her dida listening to stories ranging from fairies to giants to gods to demons ,animals birds and what not. She was filled with the warmth that she always got from her grandparents. Among so many faces two of them stood out clearly . They were her cousins Roly and Polly.They were identical twins and Riti had not seen any one more beautiful than these sisters...Peach skin two pools for eyes lovely cascades of shining black hair which Ratna aunty would so lovingly oil .massage and tie into plaits ....Aunty always would say these are my princesses...I would marry them to the most handsome prince who would keep my daughters like queens. Roly and Polly never had to do any thing in the house ...they would just take care of themselves and they were so delicate that anyone shouting at each other would make them tremble. They were soft spoken and very very gentle. They could never think bad for anyone forget doing any harm.They would play with Riti and show her all their dolls...Riti had come to Kolkata last to attend their marriages. They were married to two seemingly very eligible boys who were distant cousins ...They got married the same day . What beautiful brides they made. Riti was very eager and looking forward to meeting her Rolidi and Pollydi,who she was told were also coming for this marriage.
Somu mama stood smiling at the station to welcome them . Everyone huddled into the Innova that mamu had brought and soon they were speeding on the magnificent Howrah bridge...a marvel of architecture built over the shimmering holy Ganga . Gaping at the changes over the last ten years they all reached home.The cries, the hugs ,the greetings ,,the tears ...looking into the sea of faces packing the house after all was it not a marriage house. Suddenly Riti was pulled into a tight embrace ...she looked up to see her beautiful Pollydi...oh !didnt she look even more beautiful than before? She introduced Riti to her two lovely daughters who were almost hiding in their mother's pallu.Where was Rolydi? She was to reach later in the evening...well Riti was soon sucked into the excitement all around her . She was sitting with her grandparents in their room when the door opened and some one came in and touched her grand parent's feet . Riti could not believe her eyes ..she was her Rolidi !but what had happened to her ? She looked years older than her age.The calm serene appearance had been taken over by a tired resigned and flustered look..She had two sons..cute little boys.They hugged each other and then she went to freshen up . Riti could not stop herself from turning to her dida with a stricken questioning look. What had happened to her Rolidi. Her dida gave out a sigh and looking up said...it is all destiny..
On insistence Riti got to know that both the sisters got married into good respected families. Both the husbands were doing well in their jobs.Roly and Polly were pretty timid by nature and had been brought up very protectively.They went into their married lives with this mindframe. On finding that they were not very efficient at doing things ,not very mature to take up responsibilities ,could not even cook well both the families reacted....differently. Polly was now being treated like a girl who needs to learn things ...she was pampered to the extent that her husband would help her dress to his taste ...he would show her wives of his friends ...how they managed their house and all the while he would help her do things that she was supposed to do . He and his family did this so gently , sensitively that with time, Polly got smarter quicker and managed to shed off her unwanted timidness and she has been so happy all the while leading a contented married life .
Poor Roly on the other hand met with a different fate. As her inefficiencies surfaced with time she was ridiculed,shouted at and humiliated so badly that the timid girl who could not stand shoutings had now had to live in a constant fear ...when would she be pulled for some wrong ...when would her parents be blamed for her failure...it was pathetic. She would feel invisible eyes scanning her every moment ....she was a timid girl but she took it up all alone . She would always try to cover all this up with forced smiles when ever she visited her parents ...but the parents got to know of things going wrong from the changed behavior of the son in law. At every possible opportunity he would blame Roly's parents for his misfortune and all this blaming game had led Roly to be what Riti saw for herself. Her husband is also full of frustrations unhappiness and that coninues...
The marriage got over . How these past five days flew away ...Riti sat near the window of the Punjab Mail ...her thoughts were running faster than the train...Faces of her Rolidi and Pollidi came flashing by ...twin sisters ...one glowing with happiness and the other resigned to unhappiness.What was the cause of such different outcomes? Was it just Destiny as her dida had said or did it have something to do with love and sensibility shown by her Pollydi's husband and family which led to a happy family inspite of her failings and the insensitivity and arrogance shown by her Rolydi's family at her failings which led to so much unhappiness to the whole family????????

Music...Language Of The Soul

A language is a mediam through which we express ourselves. The need to express oneself is so great that probably languages were created.It may not be the only way of expression but is definetely the most used and practised way.Language is made up of words ,sentences phrases to project the required feelings . We talk ..we write but there are times when expressions break the boundaries of language and go beyond...far beyond and that is as we name it -MUSIC. It has such nondefinable, noncomprehendable powers that can take one to the highest realms of one's being...can reach out and touch the soul. It has such unfathomable depth and such miraculous heights.....it can take one through a journey of pure unadulterated passion. There are so many of the great masters who you just look at perform and you are struck by the intensity of feelings.Music transforms the lyrics. I remember so vividly that when we were school children we would have these TagoreJayantis, NewYear and other such occassions celebrated locally . There would be singers singing Tagore songs and we youngsters would be bored to deathand would never understand how could anyone like forget love such slow songs. Today I am absolutely wonderstruck by the genius named Rabindra Nath Tagore...I fail to understand how can any mortal being possess such depth of understanding of life, God ...our mere presense and express so so beautifully. I feel zapped listening to his songs ...the lyrics the music...unmatched genius he was undoubtedly. His songs always have the power to touch. Another master who is capable of giving goose pimples is A.R. Rahman. This guy exudes passion ...you see him sing and you will understand.
I simply love music but have not been lucky enough to be gifted by a great voice ...I sing because I love to sing and I feel what power music has over me . It gives me a feeling of serenity ,happiness...rejuvination. I really wish I could sing like these great singers...so much power they have in their voice ..they bring in love ,humility grief all so purely ...just through music. No wonder I find music to be language of the soul.

The Beautiful Garden

Yesterday I came upon a story I had read in my childhood.I read it again as it was one of the many stories that I love. It was a story of a giant who had a beautiful garden. The garden was full of the prettiest of flowers .It had a beautiful pond with shimmering blue water in it. The giant was very possesive about his garden . He was always worried if anything or anyone would make his garden dirty and so less beautiful. So he strictly put a ban on the entry to the garden..
The children of the neighbourhood would try to have a peep into the garden but were shooed away by the giant . They would want to come and play in the garden but the giant fiercely guarded it . Soon the garden lay deserted. The wind refused to blow through it...the bees and the birds refused to enter it...and even the spring decided against visiting it . The giant got worried for the flowers were dying and there werent any new flowers for there werent bees for pollination ...In no time the garden started to lose it's life....the trees were without flowers. The giant did not know what to do . He then went to the wise old man of the village and told him his problem. The old man listened patiently and then said,''God has made us. He has created this universe . you have been wrong in stopping anybody entering your garden. God is in the smallest of beings. Go and open your garden to everybody ,let them enjoy the beauty of your garden and you will see all your worries gone.'' ''But my garden will be ruined,''cried the giant.The wise old man smiled and said,''what is the point in having something that you value so much that you keep it away from anyone to see? Who is aware of the prettiest of the roses growing in some uninhabitated land? Share what you have and let it give happiness to others ...you will see how all of that comes back to you.''
The giant went back to his garden and in the morning surprised children saw him standing at the gate calling out to everybody to come and play in his garden. Hesitantly the children came .They gave out screams of joy and wonder at the sight of such a beautiful garden. They ran here and there and everywhere admiring the flowers ...the pond ...the trees.The giant's heart filled with pride.From that day the chidren came, the birds came ...the bees came ...the spring came ...the wind blew softly and the garden was filled with joy and beauty.The giant realised that what a fool he had been...his conceitedness was the cause of worry and the unhappiness that he was spreading was only being reflected ....he only needed to spread happiness to get it back......

Disposal Of Waste

People have started giving importance to waste disposal...the right way ,for the last few years. Before that and in smaller places even now,this matter was not given much thought . People would throw rubbish in the closest quarters . They would be strewn along the streets ...at the corner of the lanes...the stray animals would be scrounging them and it would be a hub of various germs spreading diseases. Then people started getting aware of the problem and started disposing waste in a planned manner...disposal bins were put at places ...they would be kept covered and the urban class started following the practice in a conscious manner for they had understood the benefits of doing so . everyone started valueing hygiene in life much more than before. They do all this for a healthy body...
But what do we do for a healthy mind?Our mind is like a bin...our thoughts also need to be sorted before depositing into our bins ...The confusions ...the problems are thoughts that we generally throw deep inside our bins ...away from all eyes. What happens then? They keep depositing and with time begin to rot....Our lives slowly gets filled with its stench and leads to so much of unhappiness.. Then why cant we throw them out of our bins and fill the bins with beautiful fragrant flowers of our choice? our lives would be so much beautiful....thriving and growing in a beautiful garden of positivities?Every life has its own share of negatives and positives ....why is it that we end up misusing both? The negatives we store and guard so fiercly and the positives we flaunt unashamadely?
I was reading Amitabh Bacchan's blog and in one of his writings he has written that he very closely guards all his problems as much as he can for fear of ..''Jag hasai''...fear of being ridiculed at ...yes he is right if we throw our rubbish at the wrong places we will be ridiculed at ...but that does not mean that we should hoard them .. It could mean that we should learn to throw them at the right places....similarly it would be so much better if we start practising this ...of finding out the right people to throw out our negativity ...our confusions for hoarding them may not do us good in the long run...
Life is beautiful ...wonderful ...but we have to keep doing our share of waste disposal to keep it as beautiful for us ,as it really is...letting it convert to a barren untendedd field would be a sin...won't it?

Cussing ....Being Cool !!!!!!

''Maa Maa what does 'sexy' mean?''rushed in Rahul....Pooja's 8 year old.That was a real googly ...Pooja almost cut her finger with the knife that she was carefully cutting the ladyfingers. Where did Rahul come across THIS word? What company was he keeping?She looked up to the enquiring and expectant look into the eyes of her son. She kept the vegetable tray away and wiping her hands pulled Rahul to her and hugged him planting a kiss on to his red sweaty cheecks.''.Maa ,you havent answered me?'' '' Sexy? it means beautiful ...attractive...very good looking...''Rahul burst out laughing..'' really?then why did Nakul use it forKamala?she is no way beautiful?''Kamala was a middle aged tribal woman who worked in the neighbourhood. Pooja put the glass of milk in Rahul's hands and told him to narrate the whole thing ..exactly how it had happened.Rahul started off saying they were all playing cricket when Kamala passed by and Nakul 2 years older to him,started singing ''sexy sexy sexy tujhe log bole''...looking grinningly at the maid. Answering to Rahul's question about the meaning he seemingly said that he will know of it when he too is a big boy .Pooja then lovingly kissed Rahul and said,''I am so happy that you came to ask me. Nakul gave that answer probably because he too didnt know the meaning ..he would have overheard it from somewhere and was using it just to show off that he was a big boy...but actually he proves to be a foolish boy . You should always be sure of the meanings of the words that go out of your mouth. Find out the meanings from relevant sourcesand then use them. Mostly children do not do so ...they just copy their seniors who also would have done the same sometime and then you are caught in the habit of speaking without being sure of the meaning.and that never reflects well for the person.'' She looked into his eyes and said ,''come to me with any question and I promise to give you the right answer...may be I would not know some answers myself , so then we will look it up together ...right? That is how you will be assured of the correct information which you are entitled to...'' Rahul then asked,''why do all my friends not do the same? why do they not ask their parents ?'' ''Probably the parents forgot to tell them ...assure them ...you can suggest this to your friends...'' Rahul was satisfied...kissed his mother and ran back to play ...with a renewed confidence...with the assured love glowing on his little red face....