Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Expressing Anger

Ninan walked in dot on time but with a scowl ,''Miss,Ratna ma'm is very bad. She threw Simi's copy today and Simi was crying.Ratna ma'm has no manners , she does not even know that throwing things is not good. Then why is she our teacher?'' A very angry outburst indeed. I asked Ninan that what had Simi done to drive her teacher to this? ''Her work was very untidy! but why did she have to throw her book? Do you not tell us that throwing things is not right? so is the teacher not supposed to know too?'' A very valid logic I thought to myself. ''Ninan were you not saying the other day that Ratna ma'm teaches Maths very well ? That you understand everything unlike your experience with your teacher of the previous class?'' I quipped in.'' Yes, I did say but does that mean she can do anything?'' I was struck by his thinking mind. I asked him to sit and told him,'' Ninan we all are human beings. we have good qualities as well as some bad too. If we are careful and aware of the qualities that we imbibe from our childhood itself, we may choose to be what sort of a person we want to be . But if we are not aware then we just end up having all the habits that we have acquired habitually from our surroundings. Your Ratna ma'm is a very good teacher but probably no one told her all this during her childhood and so she has expressed her anger in a wrong way . As a student you should try to imbibe all the good things only from her and vow to yourself that you would not do the things that you dislike in her . She does not know to express her anger the right way but it does not take away her subject knowledge and her teaching skills that you are impressed with. Do you agree to this Ninan?'' He was listening to me intently and nodded thoughtfully. ''''Respect her for her qualities and try to understand that shortcomings are all wrong habits picked up casually during our childhood. We must therefore be very careful of the habits that we imbibe...for good or bad habits die hard.''Ninan seemed satisfied and his anger towards his teacher changed to a new understanding . This understanding breeds tolerance ...to think and understand rather than react on impulse and worse judge people at the drop of a hat. We hear so many people saying that what they did was out of anger and that they did not mean it ...Shouting at anyone , screaming , fighting and then abusing all of these are expressions of our anger. Anger for something we can not understand or cannot control. To express our dislike or disapproval.

Anger by itself is a very normal phenomenon for it is reaction to a situation. But expressing anger the right way is extremely important and come to think of it is very effective. The wrong ways of expressing anger can never lead to the right results. We adults show our power over our children by shouting at them , beating them , punishing them physically...what way does this behaviour affect our children ? Never the right way...we try teaching them with fear ...they learn to do just that -use fear to communicate.

There are various ways of expressing anger and some express it even by not expressing it. They will sulk , withdraw , turn cold , become sarcastic etc etc ....Expressing anger is needed for not expressing also leads to many other problems ..it affects the health also eventually and does no good.

We all need to think and understand this . we must practise the right way to express anger . Speaking out our minds in clear and controlled terms ,is one of the easiest ,most effective but sadly least practised way of expressing our anger . We complicate this simple practice un necessarily and make our expressions the wrong way . Wrong expressions would lead to wrong results in turn spurring our anger more . Let us not do this. This is such a simple and effective way to the right results and a simple uncomplicated habit of living.We adults can practise this and show our youngsters that there is no age for choosing to better oneself ..This is the greatest lesson that our youngsters can learn ...from us.

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