Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Art Of Listening

The summer vacations were getting over. The children were about to get back to their usual grind of going to school, study etc...The ones who had gone out for holidays were also returning . The tution classes had no vacations . Ankush walked in with his little sister for the class . The teacher greeted the two with a hug and a smile and asked how did they enjoy their holidays? They had gone on a Europe tour with their parents. To the teacher's surprise both the children replied,''very boring,Miss''. ''Why ? You would have seen so many places and must have had loads of fun?''the teacher asked. '' what fun Miss? It is so boring to be with parents.They took us to many places but it was not fun at all. '' ''How come?''''because they always try to teach us ...what to do , how to do ,,,how is who better than us...they take us out for holidays so that they can keep preaching and we are stuck with no other option but to keep listening...''

The teacher was reminded of a similar incident that had taken place just a couple of days ago. Madhavi and Maina ,two sisters were talking of the boring weekend where their parents had taken them out to a hill station. They had travelled by road and the teacher remembered asking what fun would the long drive had been. ''Fun?'' cried out one..''we were bored to death.'' The twin beeped in saying''Miss, how can you spend almost 8 hrs. in a car with your parents ,with whom you have nothing interesting to talk?'' The teacher tried to ease the matter and asked ''o.k. surely you could have listened to music ? That would have been great?''
''Yes listening to the great classical music would indeed have been great!''said one...''And there was no way that we could have listened to anything else for the music that we like is RIDICULOUS for them and what they seem to be mesmerised with is so so BORING for us.''

The teacher thought of the highly educated parents...achievers in their is it that they could not reach out to their own children? And this is very very common....I think it is because the parents ,with all good intentions no doubt about that , are always busy to make the children listen to what they have to say ...what they think is right...good....lovely and on and on...They forget that it would work wonders if they changed roles and started to LISTEN to what their children have to say . May be the children supposedly speak nonsense but the parents can find it easier to show them sense through their own nonsense. We must develop this art of listening ...only then can we understand the minds of our children and then it surely would be a lot easier to work upon them ...without knowing the thoughts how can parents work upon their children ? and because most of the parents do so they keep on struggling unsuccessfully for lifein understanding their own ironical ..that they find it difficult to understand their own extentions....not only this ,by becoming good patient listeners,they not only understand them better but also show them the right way to reach out...and do we all not always get tilted towards the people who we think understand us?

Parents can be the source to attract their own children ,hold them to themselves only if they master this wonderful art of listening ...first . Instead of stuffing them with their pearls of wisdom, which the children throw out at the earliest, why not try exploring the sea bed together cleaning their paths for them, in front of them and slowly guiding them to the same pearls ,which then become priceless for them, as they are then their own discoveries ?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Tips From A Mother To Her Daughter

I , a tiny housefly , was sitting on a wallof the Sharma household....I thanked my stars later when I got to know the fate met by of one of my kin who happened to cross paths with the U.S. President yesterday!!!!!!!!. Anyways the Sharma household was bursting with so many things happenning all around was their daughter's marriage, two days from now.Himani, the bride to be ,was ofcourse the centre of all attention. This time of the evening she particularly was feeling a very deep sense of love and pull for her mother. She found her mother making some notes in the bedroom ..she quietly shut the door ,went up to her mom,taking away the diary she lay down putting her head on her lap.Little did the mother and daughter duo know of my presense there and to my luck I got to hear some amazing insights of life.

Himani's mom kissed her daughter and lovingly traced her long hair . Both of them could feel the purity and intensity of the bond that lay between them ...all the conflicts , disagreements, fights over the past years had receeded somewhere deep down the past .. they were just engulfed with a very deep and powerful understanding of love that existed between them.Himani turned and asked ,''Mom, what are the things that you would suggest I remember as I enter the most important phase of my life?'' Himani's mom smiled and thought of the times that she would be dismissed as backward and this very child of hers. and now she was asking for her suggestions....Sensing the genuine interest in her daughter's voice Mrs. Sharma felt good. Her daughter was then interested in wanting to enter this new phase armed with all the knowledge and wisdom that she could and that she relied for that on her mother.....

I too got interested in the conversation now. Mrs Sharma said,''I can tell you of the things that I have learnt and practised myself in life ,sweetie. If you give it a patient and open understanding I think you will make life a lot meaningful for yourself and for the man who you are going to start a new life with. I will give my views in different points form .''

So was Mrs. Sharma going to teach Science?

'' Well beta , enter into marriage with complete faith in the institution. Only then you will work to make it beautiful.''

''Take up complete responsibility for your part of the relationship ,unconditionally. You should not be doing your part all the time weighing the others' doings for that would affect your part for sure. ''

''Next comes the acceptance of the relationship....meaning that you have set on to build your life together with your partner , by choice and marriage seals that choice. No comparing , no trying to change the other to match you should be there...for where there is love ...followed by acceptance you would happily want to change things in your own self to match rather than expecting your partner to do so for you.''

''Then what about my husband loving me .and changing for me?''quipped in Himani..

''He will do it by himself and if you love someone you understand the differences too and you want to go out of your way to please that person...dont you?''said her Mom.

This was getting interesting for me for Mrs Sharma seemed to be putting all the responsibility of working on the relationship on her daughter. Was that being fair?

''When you practise honest love, then may be it takes time, but it reaches out to your loved one.If the other person is somehow not doing his bit and you too retaliate by not doing yours ,you end up doubly harming the relationship . In turn you end up spoiling your own happiness...for anything that you do will at the end affect you,right?''

Himani nodded thoughtfully...

Her Mom went on..''Never never judge least never judge the ones who will somehow affect your own happiness,directly or indirectly.For once judged negatively you magnify your own troubles for everything after that is built up on that brick of negativity. ''

So what if I do not agree to something Mom? Should I just be a slave and shut off my mind?''

''Never,beta. Handling any disagreement the right way is what is fruitful and makes life meaningful. Ofcourse there would be disagreements ...havent we had so many of them ? So what did we do ? We talked...we asked questions to each other ...and all this because we wanted to understand each other . Judging is the easiest beta, but as all easy things in life , is the most dangerous. It slowly eats up relationships , eats up the happiness like termites and you cant even see ,till the crumbled pieces of the relationships fall in front of you like the termite infested walls. Trying to understand people, really , is not easy takes years may be but the rewards are enormous...unparalled and so so satisfying. This wisdom and understanding fetches you happiness and respect their true sense.''

''But Mom does it really work?''

''A hundred percent beta, only this amount of money , gifts or anything that is materialistic can remotely compensate for this wisdom and patience beta.''

''O.K Mom, how does one know that she is going right with her relationships?''

''When you see your relationships are blooming , spreading and that is making you truely happy ,that is the test beta...for you may try to do certain things, against your wishes, unwillingly, to try to make people happy but that would not work as you would end up being unhappy yourself .''

''So it means anything that I do for my happiness should be right?

''yes if your happiness is making your loved ones really happy then that's it've tasted love.''

'' People are all calling out to us Himani , lets go out ...we will continue with this conversation again tonight for I want to tell you a few more things that I feel are important.''

''Right Mom ,let's go ...wished we could have spoken earlier.''

''No beta you learn to cross the bridge when you are on it ...the fact that you want to learn is enough.''

Mrs. Sharma hugged her daughter and they left to join the others.

I decided to stay back for I wanted to get to hear the remaining part of the conversation at night.....

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Jolly And Silly

It was the 1st of January.Dawn was just breaking in was a very cold foggy winter morning in Lucknow. Pooja jumped out of bed throwing the heavy blanket to a side. Ishaan and Ahaana were fast asleep. She went to their room and stood looking at her 12 year old son and 7 year old daughter cuddled up intheir beds. She bent down and kissed them gently and smiled ...She was to go out to get her new year surprise for them. Pooja's husband was in Mumbai on a transfer...She was to join him with the kids in a couple of months ,after their academic sessions were over.

Pulling the door ,Pooja took out the car and drove down to her destination. It was her cousin's place and she was there to get 2 new born puppies out of the four being delivered a week back. Ishaan and Ahaana simply loved dogs and she wanted the Lhasa pups as their new year gifts. Bundled in a basket she returned home.She was filled with excitement at the thought of her children's faces ,on seeing the gift.She was right...As she took out the basket from the car ,her two children in their sleeping suits stood gaping....then the cry and the expression was apt for the Visa Master Card ad....''.Somethings are priceless''.

Pooja was hugged , was covered with kisses and thanks...they were both dancing around with such joy that could not be described . The puppies were named Jolly and Silly. The responsibilities were taken ...Ishaan had Jolly and Ahaana had Silly . The duties were discussed and it was decided that they would take complete responsibilities of their wards...and responsibilities they did take. There was no making faces in cleaning them up ...feeding them ..they would play with them at the backyard and it was simply adorable to watch those two tiny bundles jumping around with the two bigger ones. They would be put to bed very lovingly ...the baskets being properly fenced so that they do not jump over by themselves and would be tucked in with such affectionate good nights. Their beds were near the children's own beds so the children would be woken up by the loving cries of their pups...and then the good morning hugs and kisses. Oh!can there be any better form of love than the one expressed by a dog?Such pure love?A love that has no mis understandings, expectations ,demands...knows just to give...why cant man learn this Dog Love?

A month whisked by in bliss. Then one day Pooja got to know from her husband that the accomodation that they were banking on,after they all shifted to Mumbai, was not happenning and they would need to stay in a single room apartment for at least 6 months.This was a bolt out of the blue for all of them specially as they always had houses with lawns, backyards to stay in , so far.How would they manage with all their luggage and these two pups?Pooja kept thinking and then sat down to talk with her children about this,before their bedtime. She told them about the arrangement and asked them to give their views. Both Ishaan and Ahaana came up with their own sweet thoughts...where would the bicycles stand? Would they have cupboards of their own? study tables?etc. etc. None of them mentioned the pups. Pooja brought them up. Where would Jolly and Silly stay? The children were aghast? where ? ofcourse with them!Where would they play? where would they run around? Slowly the meaning started sinking in and their eyes were pools of fear...fear of uncertainity...fear of losing...It was terrible for see so much of pain in her darlings' eyes...She gently told them that how unhappy Jolly and Silly would be to stay in that one room? How confined would we make them for our pleasure ? our happiness? would that mean loving them truely ?

Pooja could see the pain that came with understanding,in her children's eyes. It was breaking her heart to do so but she knew no other way of love than being truthful ...She knew of the love that only could make her loved ones happy and that was what she was explaining to her little ones.

The day they were supposed to leave Lucknow arrived soon... Ishaan and Ahaana were prepared for this day ..they had accepted and had made their choice...Jolly and Silly would go back to their mothers .. They would bear the pain of giving them away than to let them go through a caged ,confined life. They loved Jolly and Silly much much more to do that to them.They themselves gave them away to their mother. Turning around they fell into Pooja's arms weeping bitterly . Tears were streaming down Pooja's eyes too . She hugged them closer ,kissed them and said,''I am so proud of you. You have learnt how to love ,truely .''

This incident really taught the kids a lot put the feelings of our loved ones above our always love to make our loved ones happy for that is the true meaning of love which always will make us happy .

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Moral Policing

This is a very strong word and is liked by no one. We keep hearing about rules made and rules broken. Driving and Alcohol, Bars and Dancing girls, Valentine day celebrations,Pub culture,Hooka culture and now the Dress code in colleges. One can go on and on. There are people who come out very strongly against any form of policing flagging the chit of adulthood and why not? When we are adults ..we supposedely know who to vote ..then should we not know what to wear, what to drink ,what to do? Many of us do know do all of these in accordance to the times and surroundings and they do not get into problems,but there are some who do not know to act judiciouslyand through their rash actions harm befalls not to them alone ...other innocents are affected too.

We have one ease traffic , we have traffic signals for smooth driving...but go out late night and rarely would you find people following them ..why because the cop is not there to catch you.We follow it all through the day but only for the fear of being caught and penalized?You glorify breaking rules when no one is there to catch you??

How many adults were following the no alcohol while driving till the time it was made to be a rule and the police got very strict about it? The plea we adults give is that we are great enough to do wrongs but we forget that the youngsters may not be strong enough to act upon sensibly while using the same freedom ..ending up in harming themselves and others. The fear of the authority can only make us stick to doing the right things , not our sense of not what the so called guardians of our society say ...we prove it ourselves. There is a significant decline in drunk driving accidents in the city now....Thanks to this Moral Policing...!!!!!!!!!

So do we advocate Moral Policing? No we adults must try to act to prove that we are adults. We must try to stop the ones who ,by doing wrong force us to be treated like children ,by others. We should educate people of their rights as well as their duties ,practising them ourselves to the T ...Let us show our adulthood rather than crying and begging for it...
We must always remember that we end up getting what we deserve....

Monday, June 8, 2009

Racism Bites

I was sitting in a park yesterday evening. Children were playing around . A group of middle school children came and sat on the grass to rest after a heavy game of Football.They were all drenched in perspiration. Suddenly their conversation caught my interest.

'' you know yaar, Ronit , my building friend has a cousin in Australia . He has gone there to study and those people beat them up .''said Ameya with expressions of anger and shock.
''Yes yaar , you keep reading about such shocking can they do this to us?''quipped in Shantanu.
''Lets pick up our sticks ,go and beat the hell out of them ..''bursted out Nimesh.
They were my children . They came to me to study.They had not noticed me . I did not want to disturb them slowly walked away .
On my walk back home, their words kept coming back again and again with all their emotions. The horrible fire of hatred that had engulfed the Australians was very disturbing indeed. But was it not practised by us too ,here in our own country? Why would'nt we find people being beaten up even killed for reasons based on belonging to different religion, different caste and now narrowed down to different states?How different was this from what was happenning out there?

All of this disgustingly horrible mindset stemmed out of FEAR...INSECURITY...COMPLEXES...we can not stand anyone better than us . Anyone better who is taking away our places ...instead of rising up to compete with them in a fair manner ,we resolve to the easiest path of hitting out.
With the concept of Globalisation the boundaries have expanded ...they are getting merged with the glue of knowledge , competence. People ,who were nestled safely in their narrow limits are shaking up to this powerful fact where they see peole wanting to stretch their limits endlessly for progressand they find themselves left behind. Instead of shedding off their laziness and jumping into the bandwagon of VASUDHEV KUTUMBAKAM...meaning the world is our family...they resort to cheap gimmicks and evil ideas of hurting people.

Thankfully the number of such negative elements is going down drastically. Progressive people have realised and are accepting the power of Love and the evils of Hatred and have started thinking rationally rather than fanatically. The new President of the supposedly most powerful state in the world is shocking people....pleasantly through his speeches and real mind shifts that show that he believes in the power of Love and Positivity. Let's hope all of us think , understand and choose this new emerging world through all that is positive leaving every bit of negativity from our souls.

Then there will be no hittings, killings in the name of diffences....and this word RACISM will become history.No lad will then need to pick up his stick to go and bash the hell out of anyone....

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Incredible India

I was sitting at the window seat of the 8:05 A.M. local,like everyday . I was on my way to office. I had the news paper in my hand which I go through religiously ,these 40 minutes everyday. I was looking into the face staring out of the paper....a leader vowing to bring back the real Hindutva in the lands of the Hindus. Then a news covering an election speech made by a young leader in some part of our country...spitting out venom against people who were not Hindus.There were other small news items too...defining Hate politics...I felt something akin to sadness deep down my heart at finding the people of our country stooping to such disgusting levels ,for vested interests.
I was jolted out of my thoughts by a wave of people who rushed into the train,from Dadar.The compartment was jampacked.The girl sitting next to me stood up offering her seat to a relatively older woman. I was also readying myself to make my way to the exit for my destination which was 2 stops away.It seemed extra crowded today ..I remembered it was a Monday. I was trying to find space to move...the next stop came and with the wave of the exiting passengers I could reach closer to the door . Suddenly a boy in his early twenties may be, bent and touched my feet with an apologetic grin . I was taken aback for the poor boy had barely put his feet on mine, that too because of the push from the crowd in front of him . I smiled back reassuringly was not his fault ...

I alighted the train and started walking towards my office. Thoughts of those self acclaimed leaders propogating Hindutva , youths making hate speeches , a girl offering her seat to an elderly and a youth touching my feet for apology for something that he had not done....The latter ones were so much in tune to the Hindutva that we ,our country has been known for , the love the tolerance the respect to elders ...qualities not heard of in probably any other part of the world ....The qualities and characters that have always fascinated the world....such diversities and such beautiful co-existense..the mere thoughts bring in so much of pride in me . Hell with the fakes , the self appointed carriers of Hindutva...We the Indians will never allow them to succeed in their vile motives of breaking down the sacred culture of our country....the mantra that we stand for ...LOVE...and the world will always look up at us as it has done for all these years as ...The Incredible India....

I Had Passed

I got a call from my daughter one day asking me if I could help a friend of her's in her project. I was supposed to answer a questionare that she required for the project she was doing. I readily agreed . My daughter then told me that it was a project for a famous brand of Lingerie....Lingerie? What answers was I supposed to give her on this topic? I asked my daughter, exasparated. ''C ool down Mom,she wants to cover different segments of people.'' laughed my daughter and hung up.
Next day Nitika ,my daughter's friend, turned up punctually .After the usual greetings we got down to work!I was a bit skeptical of my knowledge on the subject.She started with her questions and I answered them best to my capabilities . I was wondering at the back of my mind if I would be reflecting my daughter in any way,through my knowledge. She came up with qs. like my perception of the topic. How important was it to me ,how would I connect it to sensuality, to sex,to beauty ,to confidence etc . etc. Then she asked me the difference between being cool and being hot.... She smiled involuntarily at my answer that the first was related to one's attitude where as the latter to one's appearance. Probably she did not expect the answer from me ..a middle class woman ...a mother of a teenager.I was enjoying myself and my apprehensions were shedding off ..I never thought that I could be able to answer all her qs. ...
Well Nikita thanked me and went away. I got a call from my daughter,calling from her hostel at night,''Mom,I never knew you were so cool!Nikita is extremely impressed by your knowledge on the subject. Where did you get to know all this????''

I was relieved. My daughter had passed me . I smiled to myself thinking of the irony of life ...Both the parent as well as the child always underestimate each other's knowledge.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Letting Go

It was past midnight and I was studying shut all the thoughts out of my mind. I had my engineering entrance test the following day and I had to make it. I kept on revising all the formulae ...loudly shut out my Dadu's voice...''maa! maa!!! My maternal grandfather ,my Dadu lay in the ICCU of a hospital thousands of miles away. He was critically ill and I could not be there with him ...not only I , not even my mother , his only child, could be my father was bed ridden with a fractured back and I had my exams .
The telephone's shrill sent a chill through my spine. Then my father's hello and a complete silence... I waited ...then crept to my parent's room. My answer lay there sobbing on the bed. My mother had lost her father.
My Dadu was suffering with Alzheimer's for the last seven years . Slowly slowly I had seen him going through the process of age reversal. He would call me maa....we would spend time together, a few months stretch ,off and on during the year . I was his friend ,his play mate. We would play Ludo and Snakes and Ladders for hours . He would try cheating when ever he saw me ahead on the ladder ...our fights .... we would play Hide and Seek. We would sing dance and he would clap in excitement. How sad he would be when ever we were to leave. He would always ask ,''when will you come nex t ,maa?''Oh, what fun we had together. But now there was no Dadu .

It has been quite some time now that my Dadu left me but I ,at times, can not forgive myself for not being there when he set out for his heavenly abode.His memory would just make the tears come rushing out my eyes....I could not bring myself to talk much about him . Today ,I had come home for the weekend from my I.I.T. hostel and was going through my cupboard when suddenly I tumbled upon our album ...with pictures of our last trip to my Dadu's house. My hands trembled, tears poured down as I turned the pages...with pictures of Dadu in various poses ,,acts . I could recollect every incident for each of the Dadu laughing ...clapping ...dancing ...hugging me tight. Suddenly I felt a warm hand on my shoulder,looked back to see my mother standing ...tears pouring down her cheeck .I turned around...took her into my arms and we broke down together. Shortly I found myself caressing my mother , wiping off her tears ,kissing her and without my knowing ,at that moment , I had become her maa. We kept sitting talking about the person that both of us loved so deeply .

I felt a lot better now . I realized that each one of us has to die one day . We need to accept this fact from our heart for only then can we love our loved ones to the fullest for the time that we are together and when it is time for them to go we can let them go....lovingly....and keep them alive in our memories and actions for ever.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Chalo Mumbai

We had reached Mumbai!It was the Victoria Terminus....conveniently called V.T. We got off the train carrying our bags. What hustle and bustle ...I had never seen so many people and noises together. We started off to exit the station and shortly my eyes went up and they got fixed...............A sea of people hanging in the could that be possible. My husband looked back to see me transfixed ...he smiled and told me that it was an overbridge for people to go from the East to the West. I stood gaping! So many people ..I d never seen so many together like that before...That was Mumbai's first hello to me.

We had come during the monsoons and we were to stay in the company guest house for some months till we were alloted a house. I woke up the next morning to a heavy rain and howling winds. we had to keep our windows shut ,much to my disappointment ,for I love the open. I stood near the window and looked out. I could not believe my eyes ...A man was sweeping the compound with a broom. Sweeping in that rain? He was clad head to toe in a rain wear and I was thinking about the place I had come from just the previous day , where no one went to work even at the slightest of rough weather ...any change be it rains or cold or even heat . No domestic help would turn up and when they did in a favourable climate d get such looks of exasparations if you shooted off any complaints .....and here the milkman , the sweeper , the house maid ,the dhobi everyone would turn up their way dressed up to brace the weather.No rainy days for bunking just kept going as ever. With time I found this sort of an attitude in every walk of life here. People always ready to adapt to overcome the difficulties thrown out in their ways.People were all the time finding ways how to do things rather than how not to unlike what I had experienced in all the parts of the country that we had been before.
Now after so many years ...through so many experiences of horror ,grief and shock ...where I have seen this city never giving in...never coming to a total halt...always moving ,moving and moving...for the people who are the faces of this city have chosen the attitude of never say die ...they have chosen fearlessness over fear and as everything always being so contageous, there is so much more of the attitude of a do-er than a non do-er.

No wonder who so ever wants to DO. anything in any part of the country....speaks out------Chalo Mumbai....
Would converting all the places of our country would this Mumbai attitude be impossible?
Is anything impossible??Ha ...Ha...Ha..

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Religion And Faith

''why do they have to scream like this at the top of their voices Dada, is God deaf?''asked an irritated Abhi to his grandfather. They had come for their usual evening walk in the park close to their house.They would walk , sit ,talk and this was the best time of the day to which both of them looked forward to. Dada carrying his well spent 80 years gracefully and Abhi a young lad of 15 with an exceptionally thinking mind. Abhi always had too many questions to ask but as mostly happenning to many like him, sadly he did not get the right answers. Setting up and living in a world of his own he developed a mind without the gentle guidence that teaches one to balance the facts and imagination. He did not believe in God and hence stayed away from any ritual or practice even remotely related to God. Just now he was nearing the temple just outside the park,where people were doing the evening aarti with all their emotions being vented in clapping to the rhythm ,singing bhajans .

Dada sat on one of the benches along the walking path. Abhi also followed suit. ''does anyone of them really believe in God? what is God?and if God is everywhere why do you have to do all this to invoke him?They are all hypocrites.''Dada said,''Abhi everyone has to find what to believe. If we start off with some faith which is unshakable ...our search becomes easier...because we start off with a direction. Look at this world , imagine this universe did it come to existense? Oh yes I have read so many theories on this and I do not have any reason to disbelieve them. God is probably the term used for the most powerful,unexplainable, immortal existense that is percieved , described , believed differently by different people. .''

''But why do we need to have faith?''
''Because man needs faith on something to act upon as a base-on which they thrive, they grow , they perish and because this existense can never be proven in our worldly terms ,this faith never fails us.''
''Of course it does!Things do not happen as you have wished them to...all your prayers are not answered...are these people out therenot asking for something in their prayers>? so would all their prayers be answered? Definetely not! so What is God doing Dada?and why do we
we need to believe in something that can never be proven?'' asked Abhi.
''Exactly for this is something you do not question.There are many things that happen in life to which you find no answers. So to move on in life , despite those answers, you need a lot of strength. Faith gives you strength because anyone who has faith never expects answers ...he practises total acceptance and that keeps him going in life.People give their own shapes to this faith. They choose to go about it their own ways and that gives them peace. ''

''So Dada what is God to you?''
''God for me is the everpowerful omnipresent creator who keeps looking at us every moment of our day...guiding us....supporting us ...talking to us . ''

''But Dada how do you appease him?''

'' by living and nurturing life to the best of my capabilities...for life is HIS gift to us and I want to value it to the fullest to show my faith and gratitude in Him.I believe that there can be no religion higher than keep trying to better myself so that I can make my life as beautiful as I can in as many ways as I can. love everybody around spread love for beauty can blossom only with love. ''
''But that is not what many do? People kill each other in the name of religion ?''
''That is their call...I do not understand them. I have tried to understand my life on it ...better it and my faith has been constantly strengthened in doing so. I have chosen to believe in doing....slowly but steadily and never let go off love and my faith has presented this world to be so immensely beautiful. I have no reason to question my faith for others practising religion in any other form have brought in so much of ugliness into this world that makes me shudder. ''
''But why do we need to practise rituals?''Abhi asked thoughtfully.
''The rituals are just ways of reminder of this faith.. by practising them we keep on reinforcing them in our hearts rituals which do not lead to fanatism and do not harm anyone are done to keep us stuck to our faith which I feel the need of very much in life.''
It was pretty dark by now. The cold winter evening had suddenly set upon . The duo sharing their thoughts were shaken up by a chilling breeze. Abhi got up ...held out his hand to his Dada ...kissed him on his cheek ,''Dada I love you a lot.'' Dada with love welling up in his eyes said,''I love you a lot too ,Abhi.''
God looked down smilingly on the two walking back home.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Expressing Anger

Ninan walked in dot on time but with a scowl ,''Miss,Ratna ma'm is very bad. She threw Simi's copy today and Simi was crying.Ratna ma'm has no manners , she does not even know that throwing things is not good. Then why is she our teacher?'' A very angry outburst indeed. I asked Ninan that what had Simi done to drive her teacher to this? ''Her work was very untidy! but why did she have to throw her book? Do you not tell us that throwing things is not right? so is the teacher not supposed to know too?'' A very valid logic I thought to myself. ''Ninan were you not saying the other day that Ratna ma'm teaches Maths very well ? That you understand everything unlike your experience with your teacher of the previous class?'' I quipped in.'' Yes, I did say but does that mean she can do anything?'' I was struck by his thinking mind. I asked him to sit and told him,'' Ninan we all are human beings. we have good qualities as well as some bad too. If we are careful and aware of the qualities that we imbibe from our childhood itself, we may choose to be what sort of a person we want to be . But if we are not aware then we just end up having all the habits that we have acquired habitually from our surroundings. Your Ratna ma'm is a very good teacher but probably no one told her all this during her childhood and so she has expressed her anger in a wrong way . As a student you should try to imbibe all the good things only from her and vow to yourself that you would not do the things that you dislike in her . She does not know to express her anger the right way but it does not take away her subject knowledge and her teaching skills that you are impressed with. Do you agree to this Ninan?'' He was listening to me intently and nodded thoughtfully. ''''Respect her for her qualities and try to understand that shortcomings are all wrong habits picked up casually during our childhood. We must therefore be very careful of the habits that we imbibe...for good or bad habits die hard.''Ninan seemed satisfied and his anger towards his teacher changed to a new understanding . This understanding breeds tolerance think and understand rather than react on impulse and worse judge people at the drop of a hat. We hear so many people saying that what they did was out of anger and that they did not mean it ...Shouting at anyone , screaming , fighting and then abusing all of these are expressions of our anger. Anger for something we can not understand or cannot control. To express our dislike or disapproval.

Anger by itself is a very normal phenomenon for it is reaction to a situation. But expressing anger the right way is extremely important and come to think of it is very effective. The wrong ways of expressing anger can never lead to the right results. We adults show our power over our children by shouting at them , beating them , punishing them physically...what way does this behaviour affect our children ? Never the right way...we try teaching them with fear ...they learn to do just that -use fear to communicate.

There are various ways of expressing anger and some express it even by not expressing it. They will sulk , withdraw , turn cold , become sarcastic etc etc ....Expressing anger is needed for not expressing also leads to many other problems affects the health also eventually and does no good.

We all need to think and understand this . we must practise the right way to express anger . Speaking out our minds in clear and controlled terms ,is one of the easiest ,most effective but sadly least practised way of expressing our anger . We complicate this simple practice un necessarily and make our expressions the wrong way . Wrong expressions would lead to wrong results in turn spurring our anger more . Let us not do this. This is such a simple and effective way to the right results and a simple uncomplicated habit of living.We adults can practise this and show our youngsters that there is no age for choosing to better oneself ..This is the greatest lesson that our youngsters can learn ...from us.

Grudge Against God......

Yoshuma was witnessing one of the most defining moments of his country. His was a small island that was being ruled by a very cruel ruler for the past century. The people spent their lives as slaves. They worked from dawn to dusk ...were whipped for every small thing and were given food barely enough for their starved stomachs.No one could do anything to change this situation for every single rebellion was crushed at it's onset. Yoshuma grew up seeing his parents suffer like this and one day his father died of illness. The mother and son could do nothing to save him. His mother continued with her life of slavery ..Yoshuma would see her working towards her death...see her moan with pain in the nights for the floggings that she would get for any little break that she would take during work...break to feed Yoshuma...break to feed her starving guts ...break to hold her wailing child to her breast ...there was no mercy . Yoshuma would see all this suffering and it would make him angrier by the day . What could he do ? He was angry ...very angry with God . He told himself that God did not love him. would he be subjected to such a life if he did? Never....
Years passed by and Yoshuma was now a handsome young boy of twenty. Suddenly the unexpected happened. The cruel king died of old age. He did 'nt have an heir so the country was liberated of the long tyranny.The man of the highest religious order of the country had a dream in which he saw the face of the new king . Taking it to be God's message the man announced his dream and lo! Yoshuma was the face in his dream . He was now the new king. He soon took on to his new important role as the ruler of the country. He was seen to be a very benovalent king who loved his people with all his heart . There was no one in the country who had any grievances against him . He made everybody happy . His mother was very old now and he saw to it that she was looked after well in every possible way. He wanted to wipe away all her pain of those past years completely by infinite love and care.One thing he could not do in all this change ...he could not take back his complain against God that he nurtured through all these years....He still held on to his belief that God did not love him.
He got married to a girl he fell in love with and made her the queen . The queen loved her husband from all her heart and she would try to tell her husband to let go off his grudge against God. She would tell him that he was the best king that the country had ever had and that was possible only because of God.He would quietly say that he will show her some day that how God really did not love him. The queen would sigh and let him be...
One night the queen woke up to a terrible dream. She woke the king and told him about her dream . She had seen that the king was searching for her crying out her name in some forest but she was no where to be found.Yoshuma hugged his wife and said it was just a dream...forget it..Next morning the queen again brought up her dream....She said were they being warned of some upcoming danger ?The king rubbished her fears fondly . He was about to leave for a country visit. The queen held him and pleaded for the cancellation of this trip . The king did not heed to her pleadings and set off leaving her in a state of fear and apprehension. In a couple of hours the king of the neighbouring island attacked the palace with his huge army. He had got to know from his spies about the king's visit so he had come fully prepared. He ransacked the whole place taking away all the precious things and jewels along with the king's beautiful wife.
Yoshuma rushed back to his palace as soon as he was informed about the attack but everything was gone . His dear wife was gone ...He did not know what to do . He called for his army and charged towards the direction his enemy had gone . After chasing them for a few days he came by the sea. His enemy had fled but what was it that he was seeing? He was seeing the mast of a ship going down and down in water. Shortly he learnt that his enemy had been drowned in the sea....along with his dear dear wife.
Yoshuma could not take this grief too well and gave away his kingdome. One day he saw God come in his dream to console him . Yoshuma said bitterly,''so God you never have loved me ....why?''
God smiled at him and putting his hand lovingly on his head said,''why son ,I have always loved you so much. Why else would I change the times and make you the king?Give you such a loving partner to make your life beautiful and happy?''God continued,''but son you always held on to your grudge against me and so could not see my love.'' ''why did you make my parents suffer so much if you say you loved me?''countered Yoshuma....''Son how would you value the day if you have not seen the night?'' ''But you took my wife away'' Yoshuma cried out indignantly....''she was my love''...''and you did not pay heed to the pleadings of your love? was that not my love for you that I warned you of the imminent separation through her dream?''God vanished and Yoshuma lay there looking blankly up to the sky.
Only one grudge and he had to pay through life? Yoshuma was in a state beyond answer........