Monday, May 25, 2009

I am what I am and that's it....

only yesterday I got to know that two of my friends who were together for the last so many years had decided to part ways...the news came as a shock for I did know both of them pretty closely...They did care for each other a lot and were looking forward to becoming life partners and then suddenly this news..Ria , the girl said that Palash the guy was not expressive enough by her standards. She said that she knew that Palash loved her, as much as he could but that was apparrently not good enough for her . She has tried to express herself a lot , to Palash but it seems Palash does not understand her problem...he is like this as a person , to everyone but Ria wants a different Palash which he does'nt seem to give much importance to and so this sad decision.
I was just thinking about the two of them and wondered that how is it that both of them stuck together for so long? I think both of them thought that the other would change...that if there is love then the other person would change ....but that did not happen for that never happens ...people dont change for you change for them , by choice.Now changing does not really mean change in your basic self actually means trying to understand the other person . from his/her perspective. Ria is a very sweet girl...full of love. life and dreams nothing wrong in that . Palash too is a very sweet person with the same qualities but a little lack of expression . Now I see that men or boys are taught or expected to be less expressive in our Indian society ...they are supposed to be strong and the lighter feelings should not be very dominant in them. They are ,from the very childhood , taught to be a so many ways to grow up to be the provider and the protector of the family . The girls now in the present times with their new found confidence and independence have become more assertive as well as demanding
and rightfully so ...but the men suddenly cannot change . The girls do not understand this and they end up having heartbreaks...oh yes they are strong and can walk over it but is it really worth it? With so many positives in each other ,which really attracted them and blossomed into a relationship should this reason be big enough? Till some years back when the arranged marriage system was more rampant in the urban class girls made their lives with partners they did not even know forget love them....and it was not that they had complete loveless marriages....I have seen that every single relationship needs to be worked upon CONSTANTLY it between any two people. So if the basic things are fine then should come the total acceptance of the relationship for only then would there follow understanding. There is nothing called a perfect relationship made in Heaven or at least I have not come across one but I very strongly believe that after the first step of ACCEPTANCE of the relationship you can make it to a beautiful one ....for anything that belongs to you is the best for you isnt it? Then we automatically react much moderately to differences where as the similarities are enhanced...I wish Palash and Ria would think about it and would nurture the beautiful things that they found in each other underplaying the dissimilarities...otherwise who knows any other choice would be better than them...for each other?
I really do not like this phrase which I hear so often....I AM WHAT I AM AND THAT;S exudes only weakness and negativity...why should we stick to what we are? why should we not have the strength to change? for the better match the surroundings and to make life more beautiful .. Anyone can argue endlessly over this but I have one litmus test for myself ...anything that I do should really and honestly make me HAPPY without harming anyone...if my choices are making me unhappy I should always rethink about you agree??????????

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