Monday, December 28, 2009

You Before I

We just returned from a trip to Hyderabad. It was a family trip with my not so young parents along. we had a great time together and thankfully both of them coped as well as enjoyed the trip to the fullest. We were there for a week and went around almost all the tourist places. The Ramoji city , Salarjung Museum, Chaar Minar , etc etc.all of them justified to be such popular tourist spots. I liked the city but what won my heart were it's people. I have been to various places in the country but something that set this place apart from the rest is the affection in the heart of it's people. Every where without exception I saw people going out of the way to lend a supportive hand to the elderly . They did this naturally , smilingly and very gently. I saw people holding the hands of my parents while ascending and descending stairs, leaving place for them to sit , giving special entry everywhere.

I have not seen this behaviour anywhere else . I failed to attribute a reason to it. I tried to think of many factors - geographical, cultural climate ,nothing fitted in logically. I shuddered at my thinking with the North South factor also playing in my mind but I did not find a satisfactory answer.

What ever it is I wish we all understand the magical beauty of serving others. This quality brings in love and happiness to the giver as well as the doer. As they say what ever you give comes around multiplied many times. If only for this ,we all learn to always put YOU before the I life will definetely be so much more beautiful.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Home Maker

Pramath and Ellango were school day friends.The duo was inseperable,much to their Parent's annoyance. They had sort of similar interests and all they cared was to be with each other. Understandably so for they were teenagers. The phase is characterised by rushing adrenalin leading to hot headedness. Both the boys were very sweet and affectionate but had one basic difference-their family background was completely different. Pramath had a very beautiful family that knew nothing but love where as Ellango was unfortunate to have a complicated family. He was deeply affected by this that reflected in his actions and his studies got terribly affected.

Ellango went through a very troublesome childhood . He could not finish his studies ,left home and started working what ever he could lay his hands on. He had the fighter spirit and lady luck seemed to smile on him and he fell in love with a pretty girl named Smriti. Smriti came into Ellango's life and filled it with love and happiness. She slowly even succeeded to bridge the gap between him and his parents to a large extent. They started communicating,meeting and the family grew. Ellango was what he had never thought to be .a happy family man. Smriti had given back to him his parents,sister and the rest of the family.

Pramath finished his education ,started working and also fell in love with a nice girl namedTrishna. He told his parents about her and they were too happy to fulfill his wish . Pramath and Trishna got married and were blessed by both the families.Both were working and stayed away from their parents.After a year Trishna took up another job and moved to another city. Soon after she demanded a separation from Pramath.They got separated by mutual consent and went their ways.
I know both Pramath and Ellango. I have been knowing them for years. I was very upset for Pramath and on asking the reasons for separation I was told that Trishna wanted space. She did not want inteference. She hated her mother in law for giving suggestions etc etc.
I have been thinking . What did these words actually mean? Is it not possible to have a standard definition for words ?I believe that it takes two to make a relationship. Each one of us has our own set of people whom we love and want in our lives . Marriage should not mean replacement of our relationships. Marriage should bring families closer,should increase thecircumference of the field housing our loved ones not slice them off to possess my partner alone.It is so foolish to do when the more people you love the more are you loved. Is this not a very simple equation? Why is it that girls become unwise and cut off the very strings of love that are holding them ,nurturing them and pampering them, in the name of independance,space and freedom?
Smriti gave her partner what he never had -his family . Trishna wanted to take away what Pramath always had- his family.

Who is happy? Smriti- who is loved more for giving her man his loved ones. Trishna is independant ,free but ALONE.

Smriti is thus The Home Makerand Trishna The Home Breaker.
I pray that girls, in their strive to independance, always remember the meaning,importance and beauty of the place we call HOME.

Friday, December 11, 2009

India, The Land Of Colours

We were at Jaipur to attend a three day conference.It was an international gathering and people from various parts of the world were present. The whole day would go attending seminars, presentations etc and the evenings were the party times. The participants were there with their spouses so it was a big group.
Every evening was a different theme, representing different parts of India. The first evening was Rajasthan. They had the traditional Elephant welcome,the folk songs being sung by the artists,the beautiful Rangolis made here and there,everything looked beautiful.They had those local dances and fire play which really filled the guests with wonder. Specially the people from other nationalities were taking in everything ,eyes wide open.
The next evening was North India ,with potters , snake charmers variety of food and even a Parrot man ,the fortune teller.

The third evening was South Indian,with its typical food, style a nd flavour. All the participants were asked to be traditionally dressed on all days and the whole atmosphere was quite festive. Everyone enjoyed the evenings thoroughly. I asked a few of the guests that what did they like the most and what did they feel was very different from else where.
I was pleasantly surprised by their answers. Uninamously they all said,''COLOURS''. We have never seen so many colours ever before.'' I realised that how strange it is that the things we take for granted are the ones that amaze others. I looked around and yes my eyes took in all the colours dancing around . Colourful lights, colourful dresses ,colourful chairs ,every thing that my eyes chanced upon was a riot of colours. This colour is depicted in our life style through our songs ,dances and even food.
My heart could burst with the swell of pride for my country.
India ,the land of colours . The Incredible India.

Friday, December 4, 2009

The Utter Confusion

I love train journeys. Last week end on my way to Pune, I chanced upon a very interesting conversation between three girls,in their early twenties. I gatheredthat some friend of their's had got recently married and so the right age for marriage was the topic for discussion. Each of them had her own view but what came across was the fierce will to be independant. Nothing wrong in that at all but I found confusion in understanding independance. One said she believed in Tit for Tat,so everything between her and her spouse would be equal. One said that she would make it very clear that she will never live with her in laws,etc.etc.

The conversation set me thinking. These sweet girls had so much in their minds .What had led to such a state where one had to lay down so many conditions? Had life really become so monitered?Were emotions being thrown out of one's life?

I visualised the olden days where women were exploited. The exploitation reached such levels that the women revolted and pointed at Lack Of Education to be the root cause for the pathetic plight of women. So educating women started. So far she was only a house wife and a mother ,who was probably so for she had no other options. She was financially dependant on her man so she could not dare to look out for options too. With education the woman got her financial independance and with that the revolutionary change that happened with her was the Power Of Choice that she lay her hands on. In an attempt to prove her an equal to man, she went out and out and won laurels in almost all fields. Woman was equal and in many places even superior to man now. She had made her mark in a man's world.

With this equal status ,gone with the winds is the age old concept of the Division Of Labour. Now there is nothing that is a gender specific job. Any one is supposed to do anything and everything and this empowering is leading to the extinction of the basic simple way of life.Now the changes that I see are-
House keeping is not meant to be done by selves...it is sort of looked down upon.
House keeping includes- cooking, washing ,cleaning etc etc all that a woman would always take pride in,are of begotten days.
Visiting people in their houses is a down trend ,if at all we meet ,we meet at public places.
Houses are only luxurious apartments to provide for a bed to sleep.
The list could be endless but the crux of the matter isthat, woman in trying to empower herself against the wrongs being done to them, has become almost a man,except for the biological difference of course.So the jobs which were the forte of woman earlier complementing their biology,have taken a beating.

God had made man and woman to complement each other in every way . To fight the wrong done by man in earlier days ,woman has ,in competition, switched over to the man's side leaving a big void in her own sphere. Man is trying to interchange roles too ,to keep pace with the marching woman but he needs God to help him in this .Biologically the thoughts and hence the actions of a woman cannot be acquired by a man ,much as he is trying and I am sure God is seriously pondering over this issue to rethink about reshaping Adam and Eve.

My heart goes out to these girls who are burning themselves off in the name of independance. Any form of extreme is never desirable. Moderation and thoughtful ness always pay good dividends in life. We get Life once. What ever we choose to do should give us a holistic happiness. Anything else should be meaningless.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Love Marriage Arranged Marriage....

Priya was celebrating her birthday...she had made arrangements for a party at home..She had been wanting to call her friends over for the time that she had taken up a place of her own.So it was to be a House warming cum Birthday party.She had invited her close friends..about 10 in all. The party was going to be special also because one of her childhood friends was going to get married-3 weeks away. She had ordered food but the dessert was being made by Swati ...the girl getting married . Swati had insisted on taking charge of the dessert section. Priya knew how excited was Swati about her forthcoming marriage and in her sweet way was trying to learn making some special dishes ,two out of which were to be presented tonight. Swati 's marriage had been fixed by her family and she was very happy with their choice.

The party was on..Everything was taken care of...Swati had been helping Priya with everything ...Friends had come and there was laughter ,music and merriment. Dolly had flown down from Bangalore for the week end for this get together ...she had another interest too..she would get to spend time with her boyfriend too so Dolly was snuggling up with Harsh and everyone was having a great time..
Dinner was announced...food was excellent ..was being relished by one and all. Then Priya announced that the best was yet to come ...The dessert was prepared by Swati....there was a big cheer and the tempting gorgeously looking dishes were laid on the table. Everyone gave out cries of appreciation and jokingly Harsh told Dolly,''Swati has been at cooking ,getting prepared for marriage .have you started too?''Pat came Dolly's reply,''Swati is having an arranged marriage...I will have a love marriage. She needs to learn to please her new family . Thankfully I would not need to do any such thing...so why should I be doing all this?'' ''Love or arranged any kind of marriage would entail eating ,Dolly so?''quipped in Priya.''well Harsh will see to that ..thats not my problem'''sang Dolly and gulped down a generous spoonfull of the chocolate mousse...

Swati was thinking about the conversation, lying on her bed late night. Was she doing it to please her new family because it was going to be an arranged marriage? Just because Dolly had found her life partner before marriage , did she not need to please anyone ,as she had put it? Swati was confused at the inferences...what was the difference between Dolly and herself? Both were friends ...same generation ..then ?

Slowly slowly peace started setting upon Swati's face ...she had got her answers ....
She concluded that she believed that it was not just a person that she was going to marry ...to possess...she was marrying into a family which would henceforth be her new home. She had learnt from her mother ,seeing her all life doing things for her loved ones. She had learnt the joy of caring ...doing ...serving ...making extra efforts to do things for the people who are her partner's family...would be loving him in the true sense . She did not want to love where it meant possessiveness and made her narrow minded. She remembered her mother saying once,''Swati, the relationships that you make on your own, the ones that you take upon from your loved ones willingly ...always putting others before you ....will actually reflect the person that you are from heart. Always have a large heart and try to encompass more and more....I never think of the wealth that I could leave behind for you for I do not have much...but I would always want to leave behing a big big flexi heart filled with love ....for you to carry on giving out love and joy to all.''
''Yes Mom...I too want to do the same. To love my new family from the core of my heart...because I know it is going to be my family....''Spoke Swati in her heart and went off to sleep with a sweet warm glow on her face. She had her sympathies for Dolly's thoughts.....

Saturday, September 12, 2009

A Perfect Gift

Rohit had been thinking for the past few days....he wanted it to be different ...his wife's birthday this year ....as it was her first after their marriage.He took her shopping....made plans for a nice dinner....suddenly he was excited on getting an advice from his sister....''Do something yourself ''she apparently had suggested...''like what ''...''well like bake a cake!''The idea appealed to Rohit a lot. He came to his mom in the evening,''can you help me bake a cake mom?'' On hearing about the idea Pooja felt very happy ..She readily agreed on helping Rohit with it.

Came the day ...Rohit rushed backhome early that evening...Pooja had made all the arrangements for him ..and Rohit baked the cake with Pooja's help...The cake turned out perfect...

At the stroke of midnight the beautiful cake was laid on the table...Pooja told Ria , Rohit's wife,that the cake was baked by Rohit.The expression on her face was apt for the Visa Master Card ad....Somethings are Priceless....Pooja looked fondly at the loving glow on her son's face....She looked at her husband and she could read the same satisfaction in his eyes too ...the satisfaction when you see your children happy ...God's blessings on you to see the things you value, in your children...

Pooja was filled with gratitude towards the God Almighty that she could see that her children had understood and had valued the art of Doing something Yourself to show your love.....

Money has immense power ...no doubts about that ...but money should never be my master...should never have the power to enslave me ....make me weak...

Pooja had seen her children rating this simple home made cake much higher than the best of cakes from the best of bakeries that any amount of money can buy and this was the reason for her contentment...for she always believed that money should help one do more rather than make one do less. Money is the means ...to strengthen oneself rather than weaken and any amount of money can not bring the happiness that one can get by ''Doing ''something for love....

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Order and Disorder

Hi I m Cheeni......the little girl blinked at me smilingly....She is a ten year old...cute girl...with a label of Down syndrome. It is said to be a disorder....incurable,but if understood correctly can be dealt with....The word disorder....I was looking at it with a new perspective....what is a disorder ...anything that is out of the normal range of human behaviour qualifies for this term...the normal range ...again is decided by man ...you have to do so as everything is relative...to understand Day one needs to know Night...similarly anything that does not subscribe to our accepted parameters ,is said to be a disorder....

I was trying to understand this....I was thinking we have pass and fail catagories in our academics....anyone getting marks above 40% is said to pass ...anyone getting below that fails....I was thinking about the 39% and the 41% ones....how much of a difference is there between them ...not much in terms of capabilities and performance....but a sea of a difference in their catagories....one has the stigma of a faliure and the other has the distinction of having passed....

God has created this amazing world...most of it we do not understand..but there are certain things that we know are not in our hands ...like having a child like Cheeni....does it sound cruel? I dont know....what I know is that what ever we are and what ever we have ..if only we try to understand and work upon it correctly ,we can change the results dramatically...Mahatma Gandhi had rightfully said...condemn the wrong not the doer...for if we condemn the wrong and try to better it , instead of spending our lives shunning the doer.we can bring about a lot of positive change in the situation in turn affecting our own selves positively....

If only we understand this simple connection between our thoughts and our fate,probably we will try to always find ways to solutions ,rather than be stuck to the blame game syndrome and ruin our own lives.