Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Praise Or Not To Praise

''My grand parents always loved my sister more than me'' quipped in Ritu.

''That is not true''protested Rahul,''Father loved both you sisters equally and so did mother . Both of you were so very very dear to them.''

''No ,Ria has always been their favourite. They only had things to talk about her. She was the best ...she did this ....she did that ...'' and Ritu stomped out of the room with moist eyes .

Rahul and Roli sat bewildered looking at each other. Memories of Rahul's parents with their daughters flashed by on their mind screen. How they doted on these grand daughters !How did Ritu come up with such wrong thoughts?

Roli remembered an incident of the past. She had attended a family wedding shortly after her own marriage. She had gone there without her in laws. She had had a great time as she could use the occassion to gel with a big chunk of her new family at one shot. She enjoyed every moment of it and returned with many new warm relations in her heart.

After a while ,her mom in law received a letter from one of Rahul's aunt, praising Roli and showering her with blessings for her reaching out to the family ,at the wedding and congratulating her to have such a loving bahu. Roli saw her mom in law beam ,reading the letter ,then passed it to Roli to read too. Roli remembered mumbling something at such unexpected shower of praise. Suddenly she was shocked . Her mom in law had torn the letter and threw it in the dust bin.Roli did nt understand this.Generally mother would keep the letters on the dining table for all her four sons and bahus to read . Why then had she torn away this letter?

Roli noticed that there was no mention of the letter at the dinner table too. She was feeling uncomfortable. At night she narrated the incident to Rahul . Rahul drew her in his arms and said ,''Dont worry ,mother loves you a lot, but she did not want any ill feelings in any body's mind against you so she tore away the letter.''

''Why ill feelings against me?''Roli was aghast.

''Because you are noticed and praised for things that may be, are not valued as much by others or some in the house. Things that you will be loved for by others may point out the very lack of the same in some ,leading to seeds of jealousy.Mother does not want such feelings in the family and I feel she is right too.''Rahu said smilingly.''We all choose to value different things in life and are known through them. People who value the same things ,will be sort of alike and would be noticed in a similar manner ,but people who do not value the same things do so probably for their own reasons. They will never like to be pointed out this difference through some one else .''

Now Roli could understand Ritu's outburst better. Ritu and Ria had always been so different by nature.Where Ritu was the one who would be immersed in her self most of the time Ria would entwine herself around people effortlessly. Roli remembered her in laws talking of so many things that Ria would do when they would go visiting her and her husband.Small things ,small actions that would shower her grandparents with feelings of love ,want ,need and joy.

Roli realised that probably all that ,over a period of time conveyed more love for Ria than Ritu in the later's mind. Sadly she could do nothing to change this false belief from her own daughter's mind .

We must always appreciate goodness...the right things that a person does ..but we should be careful not to present that in a sense of contrast between others closely around.

Actually people do not intend to do so . Sometimes they do it to applaud goodness, sometimes they express their joy on finding their values in their loved ones and sometimes also with the intention of showing the sweet rewards of goodness but it is treading on dangerous grounds.

Who knows what seedling gets planted in whose heart which grows into a tree to show it's undesired fruits, ironically without you having any role to play in it.

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