The Art Of Listening

The summer vacations were getting over. The children were about to get back to their usual grind of going to school, study etc...The ones who had gone out for holidays were also returning . The tution classes had no vacations . Ankush walked in with his little sister for the class . The teacher greeted the two with a hug and a smile and asked how did they enjoy their holidays? They had gone on a Europe tour with their parents. To the teacher's surprise both the children replied,''very boring,Miss''. ''Why ? You would have seen so many places and must have had loads of fun?''the teacher asked. '' what fun Miss? It is so boring to be with parents.They took us to many places but it was not fun at all. '' ''How come?''''because they always try to teach us ...what to do , how to do ,,,how is who better than us...they take us out for holidays so that they can keep preaching and we are stuck with no other option but to keep listening...''

The teacher was reminded of a similar incident that had taken place just a couple of days ago. Madhavi and Maina ,two sisters were talking of the boring weekend where their parents had taken them out to a hill station. They had travelled by road and the teacher remembered asking what fun would the long drive had been. ''Fun?'' cried out one..''we were bored to death.'' The twin beeped in saying''Miss, how can you spend almost 8 hrs. in a car with your parents ,with whom you have nothing interesting to talk?'' The teacher tried to ease the matter and asked ''o.k. surely you could have listened to music ? That would have been great?''
''Yes listening to the great classical music would indeed have been great!''said one...''And there was no way that we could have listened to anything else for the music that we like is RIDICULOUS for them and what they seem to be mesmerised with is so so BORING for us.''

The teacher thought of the highly educated parents...achievers in their careers...how is it that they could not reach out to their own children? And this is very very common....I think it is because the parents ,with all good intentions no doubt about that , are always busy to make the children listen to what they have to say ...what they think is right...good....lovely and on and on...They forget that it would work wonders if they changed roles and started to LISTEN to what their children have to say . May be the children supposedly speak nonsense but the parents can find it easier to show them sense through their own nonsense. We must develop this art of listening ...only then can we understand the minds of our children and then it surely would be a lot easier to work upon them ...without knowing the thoughts how can parents work upon their children ? and because most of the parents do so they keep on struggling unsuccessfully for lifein understanding their own kids...how ironical ..that they find it difficult to understand their own extentions....not only this ,by becoming good patient listeners,they not only understand them better but also show them the right way to reach out...and do we all not always get tilted towards the people who we think understand us?

Parents can be the source to attract their own children ,hold them to themselves only if they master this wonderful art of listening ...first . Instead of stuffing them with their pearls of wisdom, which the children throw out at the earliest, why not try exploring the sea bed together cleaning their paths for them, in front of them and slowly guiding them to the same pearls ,which then become priceless for them, as they are then their own discoveries ?

Tips From A Mother To Her Daughter

I , a tiny housefly , was sitting on a wallof the Sharma household....I thanked my stars later when I got to know the fate met by of one of my kin who happened to cross paths with the U.S. President yesterday!!!!!!!!. Anyways the Sharma household was bursting with so many things happenning all around ...it was their daughter's marriage, two days from now.Himani, the bride to be ,was ofcourse the centre of all attention. This time of the evening she particularly was feeling a very deep sense of love and pull for her mother. She found her mother making some notes in the bedroom ..she quietly shut the door ,went up to her mom,taking away the diary she lay down putting her head on her lap.Little did the mother and daughter duo know of my presense there and to my luck I got to hear some amazing insights of life.

Himani's mom kissed her daughter and lovingly traced her long hair . Both of them could feel the purity and intensity of the bond that lay between them ...all the conflicts , disagreements, fights over the past years had receeded somewhere deep down the past .. they were just engulfed with a very deep and powerful understanding of love that existed between them.Himani turned and asked ,''Mom, what are the things that you would suggest I remember as I enter the most important phase of my life?'' Himani's mom smiled and thought of the times that she would be dismissed as backward and conservative....by this very child of hers. and now she was asking for her suggestions....Sensing the genuine interest in her daughter's voice Mrs. Sharma felt good. Her daughter was then interested in wanting to enter this new phase armed with all the knowledge and wisdom that she could and that she relied for that on her mother.....

I too got interested in the conversation now. Mrs Sharma said,''I can tell you of the things that I have learnt and practised myself in life ,sweetie. If you give it a patient and open understanding I think you will make life a lot meaningful for yourself and for the man who you are going to start a new life with. I will give my views in different points form .''

So was Mrs. Sharma going to teach Science?

'' Well beta , enter into marriage with complete faith in the institution. Only then you will work to make it beautiful.''

''Take up complete responsibility for your part of the relationship ,unconditionally. You should not be doing your part all the time weighing the others' doings for that would affect your part for sure. ''

''Next comes the acceptance of the relationship....meaning that you have set on to build your life together with your partner , by choice and marriage seals that choice. No comparing , no trying to change the other to match you should be there...for where there is love ...followed by acceptance you would happily want to change things in your own self to match rather than expecting your partner to do so for you.''

''Then what about my husband loving me .and changing for me?''quipped in Himani..

''He will do it by himself and if you love someone you understand the differences too and you want to go out of your way to please that person...dont you?''said her Mom.

This was getting interesting for me for Mrs Sharma seemed to be putting all the responsibility of working on the relationship on her daughter. Was that being fair?

''When you practise honest love, then may be it takes time, but it reaches out to your loved one.If the other person is somehow not doing his bit and you too retaliate by not doing yours ,you end up doubly harming the relationship . In turn you end up spoiling your own happiness...for anything that you do will at the end affect you,right?''

Himani nodded thoughtfully...

Her Mom went on..''Never never judge people...at least never judge the ones who will somehow affect your own happiness,directly or indirectly.For once judged negatively you magnify your own troubles for everything after that is built up on that brick of negativity. ''

So what if I do not agree to something Mom? Should I just be a slave and shut off my mind?''

''Never,beta. Handling any disagreement the right way is what is fruitful and makes life meaningful. Ofcourse there would be disagreements ...havent we had so many of them ? So what did we do ? We talked...we asked questions to each other ...and all this because we wanted to understand each other . Judging is the easiest beta, but as all easy things in life , is the most dangerous. It slowly eats up relationships , eats up the happiness like termites and you cant even see ,till the crumbled pieces of the relationships fall in front of you like the termite infested walls. Trying to understand people, really , is not easy ...it takes years may be but the rewards are enormous...unparalled and so so satisfying. This wisdom and understanding fetches you happiness and respect ....in their true sense.''

''But Mom does it really work?''

''A hundred percent beta, only this works...no amount of money , gifts or anything that is materialistic can remotely compensate for this wisdom and patience beta.''

''O.K Mom, how does one know that she is going right with her relationships?''

''When you see your relationships are blooming , spreading and that is making you truely happy ,that is the test beta...for you may try to do certain things, against your wishes, unwillingly, to try to make people happy but that would not work as you would end up being unhappy yourself .''

''So it means anything that I do for my happiness should be right?

''yes if your happiness is making your loved ones really happy then that's it ...you've tasted love.''

'' People are all calling out to us Himani , lets go out ...we will continue with this conversation again tonight for I want to tell you a few more things that I feel are important.''

''Right Mom ,let's go ...wished we could have spoken earlier.''

''No beta you learn to cross the bridge when you are on it ...the fact that you want to learn is enough.''

Mrs. Sharma hugged her daughter and they left to join the others.

I decided to stay back for I wanted to get to hear the remaining part of the conversation at night.....

Jolly And Silly

It was the 1st of January.Dawn was just breaking in ....it was a very cold foggy winter morning in Lucknow. Pooja jumped out of bed throwing the heavy blanket to a side. Ishaan and Ahaana were fast asleep. She went to their room and stood looking at her 12 year old son and 7 year old daughter cuddled up intheir beds. She bent down and kissed them gently and smiled ...She was to go out to get her new year surprise for them. Pooja's husband was in Mumbai on a transfer...She was to join him with the kids in a couple of months ,after their academic sessions were over.

Pulling the door ,Pooja took out the car and drove down to her destination. It was her cousin's place and she was there to get 2 new born puppies out of the four being delivered a week back. Ishaan and Ahaana simply loved dogs and she wanted the Lhasa pups as their new year gifts. Bundled in a basket she returned home.She was filled with excitement at the thought of her children's faces ,on seeing the gift.She was right...As she took out the basket from the car ,her two children in their sleeping suits stood gaping....then the cry and the expression was apt for the Visa Master Card ad....''.Somethings are priceless''.

Pooja was hugged , was covered with kisses and thanks...they were both dancing around with such joy that could not be described . The puppies were named Jolly and Silly. The responsibilities were taken ...Ishaan had Jolly and Ahaana had Silly . The duties were discussed and it was decided that they would take complete responsibilities of their wards...and responsibilities they did take. There was no making faces in cleaning them up ...feeding them ..they would play with them at the backyard and it was simply adorable to watch those two tiny bundles jumping around with the two bigger ones. They would be put to bed very lovingly ...the baskets being properly fenced so that they do not jump over by themselves and would be tucked in with such affectionate good nights. Their beds were near the children's own beds so the children would be woken up by the loving cries of their pups...and then the good morning hugs and kisses. Oh!can there be any better form of love than the one expressed by a dog?Such pure love?A love that has no mis understandings, expectations ,demands...knows just to give...why cant man learn this Dog Love?

A month whisked by in bliss. Then one day Pooja got to know from her husband that the accomodation that they were banking on,after they all shifted to Mumbai, was not happenning and they would need to stay in a single room apartment for at least 6 months.This was a bolt out of the blue for all of them specially as they always had houses with lawns, backyards to stay in , so far.How would they manage with all their luggage and these two pups?Pooja kept thinking and then sat down to talk with her children about this,before their bedtime. She told them about the arrangement and asked them to give their views. Both Ishaan and Ahaana came up with their own sweet thoughts...where would the bicycles stand? Would they have cupboards of their own? study tables?etc. etc. None of them mentioned the pups. Pooja brought them up. Where would Jolly and Silly stay? The children were aghast? where ? ofcourse with them!Where would they play? where would they run around? Slowly the meaning started sinking in and their eyes were pools of fear...fear of uncertainity...fear of losing...It was terrible for Pooja..to see so much of pain in her darlings' eyes...She gently told them that how unhappy Jolly and Silly would be to stay in that one room? How confined would we make them for our pleasure ? our happiness? would that mean loving them truely ?

Pooja could see the pain that came with understanding,in her children's eyes. It was breaking her heart to do so but she knew no other way of love than being truthful ...She knew of the love that only could make her loved ones happy and that was what she was explaining to her little ones.

The day they were supposed to leave Lucknow arrived soon... Ishaan and Ahaana were prepared for this day ..they had accepted and had made their choice...Jolly and Silly would go back to their mothers .. They would bear the pain of giving them away than to let them go through a caged ,confined life. They loved Jolly and Silly much much more to do that to them.They themselves gave them away to their mother. Turning around they fell into Pooja's arms weeping bitterly . Tears were streaming down Pooja's eyes too . She hugged them closer ,kissed them and said,''I am so proud of you. You have learnt how to love ,truely .''

This incident really taught the kids a lot ...to put the feelings of our loved ones above our own...to always love to make our loved ones happy for that is the true meaning of love which always will make us happy .

Moral Policing

This is a very strong word and is liked by no one. We keep hearing about rules made and rules broken. Driving and Alcohol, Bars and Dancing girls, Valentine day celebrations,Pub culture,Hooka culture and now the Dress code in colleges. One can go on and on. There are people who come out very strongly against any form of policing flagging the chit of adulthood and why not? When we are adults ..we supposedely know who to vote ..then should we not know what to wear, what to drink ,what to do? Many of us do know ...to do all of these in accordance to the times and surroundings and they do not get into problems,but there are some who do not know to act judiciouslyand through their rash actions harm befalls not to them alone ...other innocents are affected too.

We have one ways..to ease traffic , we have traffic signals for smooth driving...but go out late night and rarely would you find people following them ..why because the cop is not there to catch you.We follow it all through the day but only for the fear of being caught and penalized?You glorify breaking rules when no one is there to catch you??

How many adults were following the no alcohol while driving till the time it was made to be a rule and the police got very strict about it? The plea we adults give is that we are great enough to do wrongs but we forget that the youngsters may not be strong enough to act upon sensibly while using the same freedom ..ending up in harming themselves and others. The fear of the authority can only make us stick to doing the right things , not our sense of judgement...is not what the so called guardians of our society say ...we prove it ourselves. There is a significant decline in drunk driving accidents in the city now....Thanks to this Moral Policing...!!!!!!!!!

So do we advocate Moral Policing? No we adults must try to act to prove that we are adults. We must try to stop the ones who ,by doing wrong force us to be treated like children ,by others. We should educate people of their rights as well as their duties ,practising them ourselves to the T ...Let us show our adulthood rather than crying and begging for it...
We must always remember that we end up getting what we deserve....

Racism Bites

I was sitting in a park yesterday evening. Children were playing around . A group of middle school children came and sat on the grass to rest after a heavy game of Football.They were all drenched in perspiration. Suddenly their conversation caught my interest.

'' you know yaar, Ronit , my building friend has a cousin in Australia . He has gone there to study and those people beat them up .''said Ameya with expressions of anger and shock.
''Yes yaar , you keep reading about such shocking tales...how can they do this to us?''quipped in Shantanu.
''Lets pick up our sticks ,go and beat the hell out of them ..''bursted out Nimesh.
They were my children . They came to me to study.They had not noticed me . I did not want to disturb them ..so slowly walked away .
On my walk back home, their words kept coming back again and again with all their emotions. The horrible fire of hatred that had engulfed the Australians was very disturbing indeed. But was it not practised by us too ,here in our own country? Why would'nt we find people being beaten up even killed for reasons based on belonging to different religion, different caste and now narrowed down to different states?How different was this from what was happenning out there?

All of this disgustingly horrible mindset stemmed out of FEAR...INSECURITY...COMPLEXES...we can not stand anyone better than us . Anyone better who is taking away our places ...instead of rising up to compete with them in a fair manner ,we resolve to the easiest path of hitting out.
With the concept of Globalisation the boundaries have expanded ...they are getting merged with the glue of knowledge , competence. People ,who were nestled safely in their narrow limits are shaking up to this powerful fact where they see peole wanting to stretch their limits endlessly for progressand they find themselves left behind. Instead of shedding off their laziness and jumping into the bandwagon of VASUDHEV KUTUMBAKAM...meaning the world is our family...they resort to cheap gimmicks and evil ideas of hurting people.

Thankfully the number of such negative elements is going down drastically. Progressive people have realised and are accepting the power of Love and the evils of Hatred and have started thinking rationally rather than fanatically. The new President of the supposedly most powerful state in the world is shocking people....pleasantly through his speeches and real mind shifts that show that he believes in the power of Love and Positivity. Let's hope all of us think , understand and choose this new emerging world through all that is positive leaving every bit of negativity from our souls.

Then there will be no hittings, killings in the name of diffences....and this word RACISM will become history.No lad will then need to pick up his stick to go and bash the hell out of anyone....

Incredible India

I was sitting at the window seat of the 8:05 A.M. local,like everyday . I was on my way to office. I had the news paper in my hand which I go through religiously ,these 40 minutes everyday. I was looking into the face staring out of the paper....a leader vowing to bring back the real Hindutva in the lands of the Hindus. Then a news covering an election speech made by a young leader in some part of our country...spitting out venom against people who were not Hindus.There were other small news items too...defining Hate politics...I felt something akin to sadness deep down my heart at finding the people of our country stooping to such disgusting levels ,for vested interests.
I was jolted out of my thoughts by a wave of people who rushed into the train,from Dadar.The compartment was jampacked.The girl sitting next to me stood up offering her seat to a relatively older woman. I was also readying myself to make my way to the exit for my destination which was 2 stops away.It seemed extra crowded today ..I remembered it was a Monday. I was trying to find space to move...the next stop came and with the wave of the exiting passengers I could reach closer to the door . Suddenly a boy in his early twenties may be, bent and touched my feet with an apologetic grin . I was taken aback for the poor boy had barely put his feet on mine, that too because of the push from the crowd in front of him . I smiled back reassuringly ...it was not his fault ...

I alighted the train and started walking towards my office. Thoughts of those self acclaimed leaders propogating Hindutva , youths making hate speeches , a girl offering her seat to an elderly and a youth touching my feet for apology for something that he had not done....The latter ones were so much in tune to the Hindutva that we ,our country has been known for , the love the tolerance the respect to elders ...qualities not heard of in probably any other part of the world ....The qualities and characters that have always fascinated the world....such diversities and such beautiful co-existense..the mere thoughts bring in so much of pride in me . Hell with the fakes , the self appointed carriers of Hindutva...We the Indians will never allow them to succeed in their vile motives of breaking down the sacred culture of our country....the mantra that we stand for ...LOVE...and the world will always look up at us as it has done for all these years as ...The Incredible India....

I Had Passed

I got a call from my daughter one day asking me if I could help a friend of her's in her project. I was supposed to answer a questionare that she required for the project she was doing. I readily agreed . My daughter then told me that it was a project for a famous brand of Lingerie....Lingerie? What answers was I supposed to give her on this topic? I asked my daughter, exasparated. ''C ool down Mom,she wants to cover different segments of people.'' laughed my daughter and hung up.
Next day Nitika ,my daughter's friend, turned up punctually .After the usual greetings we got down to work!I was a bit skeptical of my knowledge on the subject.She started with her questions and I answered them best to my capabilities . I was wondering at the back of my mind if I would be reflecting my daughter in any way,through my knowledge. She came up with qs. like my perception of the topic. How important was it to me ,how would I connect it to sensuality, to sex,to beauty ,to confidence etc . etc. Then she asked me the difference between being cool and being hot.... She smiled involuntarily at my answer that the first was related to one's attitude where as the latter to one's appearance. Probably she did not expect the answer from me ..a middle class woman ...a mother of a teenager.I was enjoying myself and my apprehensions were shedding off ..I never thought that I could be able to answer all her qs. ...
Well Nikita thanked me and went away. I got a call from my daughter,calling from her hostel at night,''Mom,I never knew you were so cool!Nikita is extremely impressed by your knowledge on the subject. Where did you get to know all this????''

I was relieved. My daughter had passed me . I smiled to myself thinking of the irony of life ...Both the parent as well as the child always underestimate each other's knowledge.